It can be difficult to handle when you feel like your siblings get all the attention. You’re left wondering why you take all the criticism for things that your siblings get away with scuff-free. It can make you feel pretty insignificant if your brothers and sisters get what they want and you get turned down. You may even ask your self “why do my parents hate me but love my siblings?”
There are healthy ways to address the problem and work through your feelings. If you notice that there is favoritism and you can’t change it, you will have to learn to cope with your feelings.
How To Recognize Favoritism
- Parents shouldn’t be setting their children up to compete with one another. When one child keeps winning all the time they will feel superior to their siblings. The other child will feel demoralized and feel like they aren’t good enough.
- Parents shouldn’t compare their kids to one other. Even if they think they’re being motivational or joking around, parents should avoid making comparisons between their children.
- Parents aren’t supposed to act as a judge when their kids are fighting or competing. If they are asking a parent to choose who is doing better, it’s best not to give a clear answer. A fair approach is to tell them why they’re both great.
- Never expect one child to be better than the other or to set the standard. Everyone is different, children shouldn’t be pressured to outdo their siblings.
You should also be sure you have some worthy examples to share. Explain what happened and why it made you feel so mistreated. Let them share their point of view and try to understand why they behaved the way they did. The best way to point out what’s bothering you and address the situation is to have a productive discussion that helps and leaves anger off the table.
Talk To Your Parents About How You Feel
Evaluate the situations that are hurting your feelings. Examine what’s making you fume and make sure you aren’t overreacting. Be sure your behavior and emotions aren’t part of the cause.
You should also determine whether your parents genuinely show favoritism or if this is more about your feelings and actions than theirs. You might have a misconception that your dad favors your brother because they both enjoy fishing and you don’t. You might think that your parents hate you but love your siblings when in reality, your father is simply sharing a hobby with your brother, not favoring him
If you are sure that you’re being treated differently and it’s making you feel inadequate, then you should say speak up and say something about it. Calmly talk to your parents about how you feel and tell them that you just want to know that you are loved and cared for just as much as your siblings. Try not to start an argument but gently confront them with solid examples of what they say or do that makes you feel singled out.
Don’t make accusations or take a confrontational approach when you talk about favoritism. Tell your parents how you feel and back up what you say.
This could just cause your parents to get agitated that you are questioning them at first. Instead of arguing, just tell them that it has been bothering you and you wanted to talk about it. This might get them thinking a little bit more about how they interact with you.
They may not have even recognized the difference in their behavior towards you before you pointed it out. You might be able to make some progress and improve your relationship with them.
Try To Understand Favoritism and How To Handle It
Most parents try to be fair and treat their children equally. You might wonder why your parents hate you but love your siblings when in reality, there could be special circumstances that you don’t know about. If your sibling is ill, has special needs, or just needs more help or attention than you, your parents might have no choice but to focus more on their care.
Try not to blame your sibling or your parents if they aren’t doing this on purpose. If you are not as respectful as your siblings or are doing things that upset them, consider the reason you’re getting the treatment you are. Maybe it isn’t favoritism if they’re expressing valid opinions about your behavior.
When someone else is the favorite, you might have feelings of anger or depression. You could be resentful of your parents and siblings if you feel hated. Try not to lose your cool about it even though you just want more affirmation and love from your parents. Don’t let it affect your self-worth and If it’s bugging you and affecting you drastically, talking things over with a counselor or close friend might help. You should also try to maintain a strong relationship with your siblings and try to curb your anxiety so you don’t develop any ill will towards them.
Don’t let the situation affect your mental health either. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when you need it because therapy for your self-esteem and working to address your negative emotions can be helpful.
Start a journal to vent and document situations with your parents that get you upset or hurt your feelings. Look for an outlet for your pain and build a stronger character along the way. By writing it down, you’re thinking the problem through even more and possible solutions will come to you along the way.
Make an effort from your side of the relationship. Don’t just wait and wait for your mother to guess what’s wrong with you. Try to make spending time with your parents more of a priority and having conversations with them will only strengthen the bond. Parents understand that as children grow up, they take on their roles and responsibilities so them respecting your space a little too much might be the reason they are acting a certain way.
Process Your Emotions and Find Ways To Hold Your Head Up
Most parents don’t want to bother their children but they do want to hear from them. If you feel like you should be talking to your parents more, you never know, they might feel the same way. You might be mistaking them letting you have your space for lack of effort. Be patient and supportive; put forth some effort on your end to make things get better. Don’t act like your parents are the only ones with some work to do.
Parents that show favoritism might not even realize how they’re making you feel. Parents want to love their children equally but favoritism does sneak in. Through subtle or subconscious words or actions, parents can belittle their children and not even see it.
Try not to feel like your parents hate you or are intent on making you feel like you aren’t good enough. Hopefully, you can make your parents see your pain and try to break the pattern. If not, you have to take care of yourself and deal with your emotions.
Ways To Cope With Feeling Unloved and Inadequate
- Face the fact that you are having difficulty dealing with this and talk to a trusted friend or get some counseling. A professional might be able to give you a little advice and some coping techniques.
- Take care of yourself. Build your self-esteem, exercise, eat well, and get plenty of rest.
- Go out and volunteer. If your parents are making you feel worthless, find a way to contribute differently. Donating your time helps other people and makes you feel good for pitching in.
- Join a local club or group. Find a hobby to keep you busy and bring you some joy because you can meet new people and make friends.
Final Thoughts
If you are ever asking your self “why do my parents hate me but love my siblings”, you might be experiencing some type of favoritism happening in your family.
It can easily be noticed by the way your parents act towards you compared to your siblings and sometimes, it feels like your parents are not treating you fairly. There can be many reasons why this may be happening so talking to your parents about it would be the best thing you can do in this situation.
Try to see why this is happening and if it is being on purpose or unconsciously because many times, parents don’t mean to show favoritism, it just happens by the way they act.
Fixing the situation is key because many times, a son can start forgetting his mother which will lead to separation down the line and that is the last thing a family wants to happen.