It can be pretty challenging when you become a stepparent. When you fall in love with someone that already has children, you may have some work to do when it comes to their children. Trying to figure out how to live with someone else’s child is difficult. It can be even worse if the child’s behavior makes your blood boil due to reasons like acting spoiled or being entitled. The good news is that there are ways to figure out how to deal with entitled stepchildren.
One thing to remember right from the beginning is that It’s not your fault because you were not the one that raise them. Even so, this child is going to be in your life long-term so you have to find healthy ways to form a positive relationship.
Self Care
When dealing with issues as a parent, it is important to remember that your mental health should be a top priority.
This is key because you have many responsibilities to deal with. From taking care of your stepchildren to focusing on your career, being on top of your game is essential. If not, you’ll feel the weight of the world on you and life will feel like a burden rather than a blessing.
Many parents try to bottle in these emotions and not address them head-on. This in turn causes more mental damage to the parent and they go down in a spiral of bad decisions.
That can mean losing focus at work, starting obsessively drinking, consuming drugs, or even start losing interest in being a good parent.
With that being said, one of the best ways to deal with entitled stepchildren is to start journaling.
Why Journalling is important
Journaling, according to studies, has many great benefits tied to it.
It can…
- Boost your mood
- Bring mentaly clarity
- Reduces stress, anxiety, and symptoms of depression
- Help you achive goals and gain self confidence
If you can spend money on a therapist, then go for it. Many parents don’t have the time or money to have such a luxury so the best alternative is writing in your journal.
It is essentially self-therapy. You get to have a conversation with your subconscious and dive deep into your thoughts.
When it comes to dealing with entitled stepchildren, journaling can be a great way to uncover why they act like this.
Click here to order your own personal journal.
Start documenting how they make you feel and why. This will outline what is going on and will you a clear idea on how to move on.
Once you understand why they act this way, you will need to take steps to make sure the entitlement stops.
Steps to Take When Dealing With Entitled Stepchildren
Keep a Level Head – Stay Calm
You can’t blame the child or harbor resentment because things will never get better if you approach it with a negative mindset. Keep in mind the child acts this way because of the reaction they’ve gotten from adults in their lives so try to work on your reaction to that behavior.
Maybe you can find ways to minimize your reaction and help the child improve their behavior over time. When someone is entitled, they have a sense that they deserve to have whatever they want to be given to them whether they earned it or not. This is a toxic mindset to have in life and they will have to learn that you get what you work for. Try not to respond when they’re being demanding because that’s not the way to ask for something and they need to clearly understand that.
The kids might have meltdowns or start to moan and groan when they don’t get what they want. They might throw fits and say things like, “I never get anything I want ever!”, “I don’t like you anymore, or “I hate you!”
When they’re acting like that you might feel disgusted so do not let it get under your skin because it’s most likely nothing personal. Your stepchild is probably just used to getting what they want so they are less grateful for what they have.
Even though they are given a nice home, good food, clothes, and entertainment, many might still feel dissatisfied. Evaluate your feelings and make sure you aren’t just exaggerating because your stepchild has a more comfortable childhood than you did. Try not to let it annoy you too much or evoke jealousy and anger. It isn’t a bad thing for your stepchildren to have good opportunities, happiness, and nice things but the way they ask for it is what’s important.
Make sure you aren’t just projecting resentment just because you didn’t have the same luxuries that your stepchild has been given during childhood. They need support, love, and guidance from the adults in their lives.
When figuring out how to deal with entitled stepchildren, try not to see your stepchild as being spoiled, but as comfortable because of what their parents have provided for them. Check yourself before you form your opinion because, at the end of the day, you would want your child to be well cared for, comfortable, and have every opportunity available.
Spend Quality Time Together
Try to schedule activities that you will enjoy and spend time together without having to spend money spending money.
Show them that having material things isn’t as important as making family memories and having fun with the people you care about. Teach your stepchild to show gratitude and remind them of how blessed they are to have such loving parents and comfortable lives. Set a good example for them by being grateful for what you have and not throwing an adult tantrum when you don’t get your way. Keep in mind that you can’t act like a spoiled brat and expect the kids not to.
You may be tempted to throw money at the problem to quiet the whining and complaining but that might fix the issue in the long term.
A good way to put it would be to remember that it is better to make new memories instead of purchases. If your partner is contributing to the problem, try talking to them about not being so indulgent when it comes to what the kids want. You shouldn’t let them treat you like an ATM.
Ask if your stepson/daughter would like to do a job in the yard or some household chores to earn allowance money. This is a way to help them build a strong work ethic and learn the value of a dollar. Teaching them young that you have to work for your money is a great way for them to start becoming mature.
Kids haven’t been through what we have as adults so they may not realize how hard their parents have to work each day. Let them help you with bills or budgeting one day so they can see what it takes to run a household and even showing them the total on the grocery receipt can be an eye-opener. This really isn’t as much about money as it is the principle.
Set Boundaries With Entitled Children
It could get tough in the real world if you think everything you need will just be handed to you. That can be a harsh reality for pampered kids when they get old enough to enter the workforce and support themselves. Sometimes parents give in to their kids out of guilt over the failed relationship or to try to be the ‘fun’ or ‘favorite’ parent but that can lead to issues down the line because if these handouts stop coming, they might start to become angry again.
Offer guidance and be loving and the child will notice. Material things don’t mean much in the end and you can’t buy their love. Just letting your stepchildren do as they please is a mistake because when it comes to other things like following the rules and discipline, they most likely will not listen. If they don’t think the rules apply to them, they won’t bother to try to follow them.
If you have already told your stepson/daughter that they cannot buy any candy at the store, stick to your decision. If you cave and let them have what they want, they can see that weakness and won’t respect your authority.
Try to be reasonable and set fair boundaries. You don’t always have to always say no because that wouldn’t be any fun and you also don’t always have to say yes either. That is something children will have to get used to at some point.
Be Patient and Consistent With Entitled Stepchildren
Knowing how to deal with entitled stepchildren is important.
If you can withstand a few terrible tantrums without giving in, the child will see that it isn’t working on you and will probably give up. Reward positive behavior and ignore the nonsense.
When trying to figure out how to deal with entitled stepchildren, you will need to be consistent so you can see some improvement. When your stepchild gets the gimmes or starts to argue and whine when told no, react as little as possible. Reply with the same firm, yet calm answer and move on.
Try not to let their behavior interfere with what you’re doing. Don’t stand in the grocery aisle in front of the item they’re begging for and argue about it. If you keep walking they will have no choice but to move on down the aisle with you. Being patient is something you will have to learn as you go through this process.
Being a parent is tough anyway so give yourself some credit for caring so much about improving this situation. You have to be able to cope with your stepchild’s behavior and teaching them to be more grateful without causing conflict is important and very possible so don’t give up.
Don’t feel like a failure because it takes time for kids to figure things out in life. You share a common goal with their biological parents to give your stepchild the best life possible and help them become an amazing person. Being in a child’s life can contribute to their growth as a person so be patient, loving, and consistent as you and your stepchild find your groove. Here is another great read if you can’t stand your stepdaughter.