What To Do When You Can’t Stand Your Stepdaughter

When you fall in love with someone that has children be prepared for a roller coaster ride of emotions. Relationships with stepchildren can be complicated to establish especially if you can’t stand your stepdaughter. You never know how you will feel about adjusting to, interacting with, and living with someone else’s children until you take the plunge. 

It will be awkward for everyone at first. Your stepdaughter is probably very nervous and scared about this new situation as well. After all, you are both strangers brought together by circumstance. You can’t expect things to become perfect between you overnight. Don’t place blame and resentment on her because her parents decided to bring her into their world. 

Ease Into This New Relationship

It’s completely natural for you both to have your doubts at first. It’s going to take some time for you to warm up to each other and get used to having someone new in your space. This is a tense situation for you and her both. Try to remember she hasn’t really had a chance to mature yet.

Your stepdaughter is dealing with a range of emotions right now. She could be displaying sassy, difficult behavior because she’s confused and upset. She has no control over what the adults in her life decide to do. Try to be patient and give her a chance to adjust to all of these changes.

What To Do When You Can’t Stand Your Stepdaughter

Gently try to start light conversations with her. Find out what she likes and doesn’t like. Don’t try to push your way into your stepdaughter’s life but get to know her. You could ask her if she would like to tag along for grocery runs or out for ice cream when you go out. 

Create ways to have fun with her whenever possible. Bonds don’t just form overnight. Spend some time reflecting on how you would feel if you were in her position and continue to be patient with her.

Talk to your partner about how things are going. Let them know you’re having a hard time with all of this. They can probably already see the friction between the two of you as it is. At least you’re making your feelings known and that any help would be appreciated. If you can’t stand your stepdaughter, you need to say something! 

Ask for some pointers about her interests. Try to find things you have in common with her. Maybe you both enjoy swimming. Find something that you can both do and have some fun doing together. Finding special ways to bond with your stepdaughter is important. 

If she is disobeying you on purpose that can become pretty annoying. You don’t want to be quick to anger or you might get labeled as the evil stepmother. Your stepdaughter may feel like she doesn’t have to listen to you because you aren’t her parent. 

Some kids are angry that their parents split up. She might blame you for them not being together so she is acting out and rebelling. You don’t need to explain yourself to a child but you need to respect her feelings. Try to promote her good behavior and use positive reinforcement. Let her know it’s okay to feel weird right now and reassure her that things will get better.

Can’t Stand My Stepdaughter – Improving the Situation

Set your focus on her good qualities. Find some things that you truly like about your stepdaughter. Don’t let any of the negative stuff get in the way of trying to make progress between you. 

You have to let things go and move forward as you work through this transition if you ever want to become close with her. Give her compliments when you have the chance. Offer her encouragement when she opens up to you about something. Become a trusted adult in her life. 

You can’t ignore the problem or the situation will never improve. You want to be able to love and care about your partner’s children. Don’t let the problem become bigger than it is. Try not to let her get under your skin. You may be able to choose who you marry, but you get the whole package that comes with that person. It’s a reality whether you’ve prepared yourself for it or not. 

It’s going to take time to build a good relationship with and love someone else’s child. Forgive yourself and just keep doing your best with her. Don’t feel so guilty, you aren’t the only one that has trouble getting along with their stepchildren.

Many people in blended families have a difficult time forming strong bonds and family structure within the household. You just met this young lady, it will require some work to get you adjusted and comfortable with her being such a big part of your life. 

Learn more about each other and spend some time together. You will start seeing her as a unique person. You should become interested in her well-being as you begin to care for her more and more. With a little time and patience, you can get into a smooth routine with her and start to enjoy being with her. 

There’s no reason your stepdaughter can’t have a bonus parent. Let her know you aren’t trying to replace anyone or change her life. You just want everyone to be at ease with the situation. 

Keep Your Cool And Get It Together

You might feel guilty for the way your stepdaughter makes you feel. You don’t want to cause problems or ruin her time to visit with her parent. Your partner has a commitment to raise her and spend time with her. Don’t avoid her or alienate her.

Try your best to schedule time for all three of you to do an activity while she’s around but let them have some time to themselves as well. You don’t want her to feel like you are trying to change or interfere with their relationship.

Be patient with your stepdaughter. Don’t try to rush progress. If you are in a loving relationship and you plan to stay that way, you’re going to have to find a way to get used to her. Eventually, she will realize that you aren’t going anywhere and her attitude isn’t driving you away.

If she isn’t getting a reaction out of you her behavior will calm down eventually. You have to be cool when tempers flare and discipline is required. Hand out fair punishments only when you have to and never be intimidating. 

Just because you can’t stand your stepdaughter does not mean you have the right to treat her poorly. You don’t want to end up arguing with your stepdaughter. Don’t let it get to that point. Always try to stay calm when you’re communicating with her. 

Even if you don’t like her you still have to have positive interaction with her. You can’t let her know that you don’t get good vibes from her. That could deeply damage your relationship even more, and her self-esteem. She is a child and her best interests come before yours. 

Open up some dialogue with her about healthy relationships. Tell her that you would love to learn more about her so you can understand her better. By telling her that you want to be closer with her you are opening up that door. 

Even if she’s not ready to talk to you much now, she knows that you’re interested in her too, not just in your partner. Don’t give up on caring about your stepdaughter. You will get there eventually. Stay positive, be patient, and let things evolve naturally.