Every single person in this world is different in one way or another. That is what makes individuals so unique! However, these variances can cause personalities to clash, leading some people to believe that their compatibility is lacking. Thus, if you are asking yourself “I love my girlfriend, but I don’t like her kid. What should I do?”, know that there are ways to overcome this feeling and create a foundation for the future.
To be able to handle this problem, you will have to approach this situation with a new mindset and will have to do some accepting of how people are truly like.
Recognize Their Way Of Thinking
A person’s personality is a combination of their demeanor, communication style, interpretation methods, as well as the way in which they handle various situations.
The meticulous work of Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers led to the categorization of individuals into one of sixteen different psychological types. Using their Myers-Briggs Type Indicator instrument, it is a simple process to figure out where you land.
While most people fall in one of seven categories, almost a third of the population lands in the other 9 personality classifications. Why is this information important? The hardest part about forming a blended family is ensuring that all the individuals meld together cohesively as a single unit.
It is important for a blended family to be able to enjoy the presence and company of each other so taking the steps to like your girlfriend’s kid is important.
Think Before You Speak Or Act
The way in which you handle an altercation, decipher a comment, or express yourself may be exorbitantly different from that of your girlfriend’s child.
Thus, by understanding how her child sees the world and the way they think can help you to be a more effective communicator and find alternative ways to connect with them.
For example, by knowing that her child is an introvert, you can choose to ask her opinion privately and not in front of a big group of her peers. If she is someone who lives by a schedule, you might be more prone to ask her if she would like to plan an excursion in the upcoming week instead of throwing a surprise outing into her busy day.
Without knowing the workings of their personality, you could inadvertently irritate, offend or embarrass your girlfriend’s child without even knowing it.
Worst of all, you likely see this as a harmless or even endearing gesture. This can cause you to interpret their reaction in the wrong way. Consider taking the questionnaire or just start to pay a little closer attention to how they act and react in various situations.
Find Commonalities
While personalities will differ, there is always a common ground to be found in some facet of our lives.
Take the time to get to know your girlfriend’s Child. If you truly love this woman and want to build a future with her, then you will find a way to overcome this obstacle.
Lawrence G. Lovasik, a missionary and author of the book “The Hidden Power of Kindness“, stated that “Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly”. If you are a compassionate and caring person, then push aside past judgments and actions while trying to move forward in the present.
Remember that when getting into a new relationship, choosing a spouse is the only thing you have that is in your power. The family that they have is an addition and you cannot take them away from the picture.
The people that come with this person may not be the prize you were hoping to win, but when you love someone enough, you can find ways to live harmoniously with the extra passengers that have joined in on your life’s journey.
Be Patient
Time and patience are key to bettering a troubled relationship. The more effort you put into building this connection, the easier things will become.
Experts note that it can take up to two years for a blended family to coexist happily. If you just started dating, you likely have some extra time and effort to put forth in order to achieve an ideal bond with this child.
An important key you need to understand is that you don’t give up on the process. Show your significant other that you are making an effort to strengthen this friendship because that will prove that you are truly ready to build a family with them. Even though there will be bumps along the way, giving up should not be an option.
The World Does Not Revolve Around You
Also, remember that some of your struggles may be tied to their biological parent. This child may be difficult or pushing away from you because they feel guilty for spending time with someone who is not their father.
Moreover, if the parent passed away, you could be dealing with the aftermath of grief. Look at the big picture and not just the individual parts of a specific situation.
Additionally, you cannot control how they act towards you. You do however have the power to change how you react to certain situations. Remain positive and continue striving to build a relationship.
One of the greatest virtues someone can have is patience and in this situation, it is needed to accomplish the goal of bonding with the girlfriend child.
Lastly, if you are struggling, don’t be afraid to take a step back every once and a while.
Let your girlfriend know that you are working to create a lasting connection with their child, but you think they could use some one-on-one time together. This gives you a break and helps to solidify their relationship in the process.
Show Your True Colors
It is also important to remember that your main job in your girlfriend’s child’s life is to be a supporter and a confidant. That’s all. Until you officially say “I Do”, the parenting should be left to the mother. That means you get all the fun without needing to be a disciplinarian!
Embrace your role and be yourself. Avoid putting on a show because kids can see right through that act. Instead, give them a taste of the charming, funny, and wonderful person that your girlfriend fell in love with.
Being genuine, goofy, and imperfect is the best way to change the way your girlfriend’s child sees you. For all you know, this attitude and authenticity will help you to turn a corner and create a lasting bond that will propel you into your future!
Related: Blending Families With An Only Child
Final Thoughts – I Love My Girlfriend But I Don’t Like Her Kid
The love for one’s child is a sentiment that will never fade away. The statement “I love my girlfriend but I don’t like her kid” should not be on your mind at all when trying to build a relationship with your significant other.
A part of a mother’s heart will forever live outside of her body in that person. This is a key piece of information for anyone dating a mom. If you love your girlfriend, but don’t like her kid, then you have a choice to make, accept the package deal or walk away.
If you choose to move forward, know that it is normal for it to take time for a bond to form between you and your significant other’s child. Make an effort to find shared interests and learn more about them as a person and not just as the child of your girlfriend.
Whether the child is five or fifteen, they are a human being with feelings, opinions, and differing perspectives. Take the time to remind them that they too can be their true self around you. They do not need to walk on eggshells or try to impress you in any way.
Finally, don’t forget that kindness can go a long way. Little gestures, moments of praise, and small tokens of appreciation and care can go a long way.
Thus, when they are sick, bring them soup. When they make a touchdown, give them a high five and commend their success. If you are going to all spend time together, ask what they would be interested in doing. Make them a part of a scenario and not a third wheel!