Sons can forget their mothers for many reasons. Depending on the age of your son and what situation is going on in their life sometimes adult-children start to have less time for us. In many cases, it is no fault of our own. Our children are just in a place in their life where they have other priorities.
Don’t take it personally. As our sons get older their responsibilities increase exponentially and as a result, their mothers move down in priority. there are ways to get your son to remember you but first, you have to diagnose why your son has forgotten you.
What many parents find out the hard way is that once their son becomes an independent adult, his relationship with them is optional. When your son was younger, he maintained a relationship with you out of necessity. More simply, you were the one that fed him and kept the roof over his head.
This can be seen very clearly in your son’s teen years. Before his teens, he was close and friendly with his mother. Then once he reaches Middle/High school and can now do things on their own, they just don’t need their parents for day-to-day activities and may start neglecting their mothers.
This is seen again when children move out. Once you are paying your own rent, insurance, and food you only need to call your parents to continue your relationship with them.
Reasons Why Sons Forget Their Mothers
In most cases, you know exactly why your son is forgetting about you. It’s typically not a secret. When sons forget their mother it is either that they had a falling out or because he is too busy. We will explore both possibilities and how to rebuild the mother/son relationship.
In a few cases, the relationship between a son and his mother may be severely damaged. If you feel like that is the case, read closely on how to rebuild your connection with your son from the ground up.
He May Just Be Busy
During certain parts of a man’s life, things get really crazy really fast. In reality, life could get crazy at any point but from about 23 to 45 years old is an action-filled part of men’s lives. Some start earlier, some finish earlier, and some never finish till old age. Everyone is wired differently but a common theme among men is to quite busy during those years.
Those are the years men start having a serious go at their careers. It is also likely the time they will get married and start having children.
If your son is older than 20 there is a good chance he is just distracted with everything life is throwing at him. Everyone’s life is different. Take an objective look at your son’s life and ask yourself, “Is he going through a busy part of his life”. There is also a good chance there are things going on in his life you are not aware of.
He has not forgotten about you, he is just preoccupied living his life.
You’ve Had a Falling Out
Another possibility is that your son is forgetting his mother intentionally. This is the case if they have withdrawn from each other due to a falling out. This could be an argument, betrayal, or strong disagreement.
If your son is older and you are having a fallout with him, tread cautiously. His relationship with you is not something he needs, it has to be something he needs to want. Many parents have trouble with the transition their son has from child to adult and continue to be overbearing. Being overbearing is a fast way to get your child to try to forget you.
Should You Be Concerned that Your Son is Forgetting his Mother?
Obviously, it’s concerning. Depending on your child’s age though, you may not need to worry as much as you may think. If your teen son is pushing away from their mother, this can be quite normal.
Teen boys especially pull away from their parents as they look for their place in the world. This can be a difficult time period for many parents because seemingly overnight they go from our little ones that want to share a bed with us to teens that barely talk to us.
Chances are this will go away as your child ascends into adulthood. Teens tend to reconnect with their parents after their early 20s.
If your son is already an adult and he is still forgetting about you, as I mentioned before he may be preoccupied with his busy life.
How to Get My Son to Remember His Mother
Getting either teen or adult sons to remember and treasure their mothers again is not an easy task.
As I mentioned before if your son is still a teen, chances are you just need to wait it out. Spending time with your mother as a teen is “not cool” so they’ll avoid you just for their image. If your son is older, on the other hand, there are things you can do to remind him to spend time and love his mother.
Spend Time With Him
When mothers think to spend time with their sons, they think to watch a movie or go to church together. This is a quick way to get turned down. Find things that he wants to do. Ask around for his favorite restaurant then invite him there, your treat.
Get him excited to spend time with you. Make it something he looks forward to not something he dreads doing. Plan fun creative activities that you can both enjoy. If you are healthy and up for it, try new fun experiences with him. Here is a list of activities you can do with your son that you would both enjoy.
- Wine Tasting
- Book Clubs
- Food Experiences
- Professional Sports
Don’t hesitate to get out of your comfort zone and start doing activities you normally wouldn’t do. I took my 59-year-old mom ziplining last year and to our surprise, she had a wonderful time and we bonded more than we did in years.
Here’s a photo we took right after our ziplining experience. Believe it or not, it was her idea. I enjoy ziplining and was telling her about it. That’s when she told me, “You should take me before I’m too old to go.”
She looks like my younger sister in this photo.
Anyway, she made an effort to do something that I would enjoy. Now once a month me and my mother have dinner (we take turns choosing restaurants) and try to have one activity planned for before the meal.
Because she made a conscious effort to do something that I would enjoy too, we have been able to maintain a relationship into adulthood.
Adults have a bad habit of forgetting everything their parents sacrificed for them. Although your children may not need you anymore, these are the years you need them more than ever.
Becoming His Friend
One of the many things that parents tend to forget is that children growing up develop great connections with their friends and there is a reason for that. In the hectic world that we live in, spending time with friends is a way to forget the responsibilities we have and can give our mental health a recharge.
Once we can notice that children love to spend time with their friends, we can try to implement a friendly connection with our sons instead of being their mother full time. A way you can do that is to have an open connection with them when it comes to very personal things.
This is an important note to stress because this can be the deciding factor between a son remembering or forgetting his mother.
Also, don’t try to force it. Chances are you’ll never have a close friendship with your son. You guys are from different generations and chances are you don’t have much in common. Strive to build a healthy 1-on-1 connection with your son that he wouldn’t necessarily have with a friend.
Parenting is often a thankless job. We do our best to raise our children and even after all that sometimes sons still forget their mothers. The good news is, chances are it is not something you’ve done but rather them learning to deal with the craziness of the modern world.
You remember what it’s like to be young, you know that between work and relationships it’s common to see the family get put on the backburner. Although it is common, there are still things you can do to spend some quality time with your son. Go out on activities and adventures that you would both enjoy.
If your son is a teen, chances are you just have to wait out this time period of his life.