Many parents all over the world have found inappropriate texts on sons phone. This can be alarming at first and might come as a shock but understanding how young men think is important.
As technology becomes more advanced, many children have phones now and they use them to communicate with other people. Unfortunately, that communication might be inappropriate and we as parents might not know that our children are doing this.
If you are in a position where you have found inappropriate texts on your son’s phone, there are steps to take so you can understand the situation and use your judgment on what to do without acting on emotion.
Advancements in Tech
The thing you need to understand is that in today’s world, communicating with someone is very easy with a phone especially through text. Back then, parents didn’t have to worry about how their children communicated because the technology was not as advanced.
Now that we are able to communicate with anyone in the world, this gives the opportunity for kids to say whatever they want to whoever.
So when approaching this situation, you need to understand that since children have this opportunity, they will take advantage.
There can be many different messages that can be interpreted as inappropriate to parents. Things like talking about sex, drugs, or gossip can be considered inappropriate and parents always find these types of topics on their son’s phone.
You can feel betrayed once you find these messages and it does hurt as a parent to see your son doing this. There is a way to handle this broken trust and with the proper steps, you won’t have to deal with this problem any further.
There are ways to approach this situation as a parent. It all depends on the age of your son.
If Your Son is Under 18
If your son is under 18, they are still considered your responsibility. They are also immature when they are still going through their teenage years so the decisions they do might not seem responsible to a grown adult.
1. Address the Situation
When you have found inappropriate texts on your sons phone, the first thing you as a parent should do is address the situation. Let your son know that you stumbled upon his messages and saw the type of inappropriate messages he was sending/receiving.
Instead of lashing out at them, you need to first understand why they were engaged in these conversations.
If your son has inappropriate messages that have to do with sex, you need to step in and explain to them that talking sexually can cause them many problems.
The first concern they need to understand is the security aspect. When they are messaging other people sexually, they can be exposed by the other person and their messages can be floating around without them knowing.
There have been many cases where young teens who talked sexually through messages have been exposed by the other party and that has caused many problems for them.
With how easy it is these days to share information, your son needs to understand that his messages might not be kept private.
If they are engaged with talks that have to do with drugs, this is a bigger issue that needs addressing. Drug use has been expanded to the younger generation and sadly it is easily accessible.
Just like how I mentioned earlier that technology is getting more advanced and communication has become easier, it goes the same way when it comes to drugs.
Children these days can access any drug they want with a simple message. If your children are engaging in drug talk, they can be using them or considering to use them.
It is necessary to ensure that your son does not engage in talks about drugs so he does not get sucked into the drug world which can be very hard to escape once in.
If the messages do in fact indicate that your child has engaged in more serious drug use be sure to contact the drug abuse hotline at 1-800-622-HELP or 1-800-622-4357.
If your son is gossiping through messages, this can be an easier situation to fix.
Many people in this world gossip every day including adults. It is a bad habit that is hard to reverse once you are constantly doing it. Explaining to your son that this habit is wrong is important because if they are not questioned about it, they will live the rest of their life gossiping which can lead to many problems in the future.
Explain to them that kindness and compassion should be projected through messages, not gossip. They need to understand that it is inappropriate to talk about others and it will cause unnecessary issues.
Teens are still in the early ages of learning about their sexuality. If you were to get a hold of any teen’s phone chances are you will find sexually related content on there.
At the end of the day, if the child is engaging in non-threatening, healthy sexual conversations, it would be best to avoid discipline altogether.
For example, if your child is talking with someone about sexual activities, it is normal. There are very few cases in which you should take disciplinary action against your son.
- The conversations are not with an age-appropriate person.
- The texts show signs of physical or sexual abuse.
- One person is pressuring the other for specific sexual activities.
- Sexually explicit photos are being sent.
The more you push back on your child, the more they will make a conscious effort to hide things from you.
When it comes to disciplining your son when he is talking about drugs, the discipline depends on how severe the situation is.
It is more important for them to understand the harms of drugs than to just get disciplined and not learn from their mistakes. First, you would search up what specific drug/s they are talking about showing them the harmfulness of it. Children need to understand the topic of drugs is not a joke and they are involving themselves in a very dangerous world.
Once they understand this, you can ground them from going out or contacting these same people who they were messaging about drugs. Limiting contact with these people will push your son away from people who talk or deal with drugs which is the goal.
When it comes to gossiping, discipline can be checking their messages randomly to make sure they are not gossiping anymore. This will scare them into not doing this action and will force them to cut out any gossip talk they would usually do.
It is important for them to understand that gossiping at an early age can lead to a life of hate and when someone gossips early on in life, it sets a bad image of them by their peers.
The reason many people gossip is that they have nothing better to do than to talk about others. Explain to your son that he should be trying to better himself and his life by doing things that will help him in the future. One thing that you can set him up with is some activities that he can do that will be beneficial for his future.
One of those things can be learning how money is used in today’s world and how they can get a head start on learning how they can become financially independent. Check out this article that talks about fun money activities your son can learn.
3. Follow Up
If you find inappropriate messages on your child’s phone, it is important to have a mature conversation with them.
For example, if your son is sharing sexual text messages with another student at school. This would be a good opportunity to have “the talk” with them.
Be sure to explain to them how to engage in sexual activity/messages in the most responsible way.
Do your best not to talk down to them but to have a conversation with time. If you disagree with what they are saying, make sure to still hear them out and explain to them why you disagree.
If you disagree with their behavior because of religious reasons, I’d recommend getting in touch with a pastor about your religion’s method.
If Your Son is Over 18
If your son is over 18, this should be handled differently from how you treat it if he was under 18.
At this age, they are considered adults and should have some sense of maturity when doing things. That means that he understands what he is doing when he talks through text.
As parents, we need to understand that when children are at that age, they should be given some privacy when it comes to their messages or any communication in general.
If your son has inappropriate messages, still letting them know the cons of it should be mentioned but at the end of the day, their privacy should be respected.
the only time you should jump in even after the age of 18 would be if they are talking about drug use. It doesn’t matter what age you are, if you are messaging about the use or consumption of drugs, it should be talked about.
Yes, I did say that they should have privacy but when it comes to their health, it is a priority that parents should be involved to try and stop their sons from engaging in that type of talk.
if you have found inappropriate texts on your son’s phone, don’t overreact. Especially in today’s world, it’s common to find our kids having inappropriate conversations on their phones.
Overreacting will only cause your son to continue hiding things that will only lead to future more serious situations.
If you have found inappropriate texts on your son’s phone, you first have to address the situation without telling them that you have invaded their privacy.
Although I do not condone invading your child’s privacy, I understand the concern for their safety.