Many parents have had the question “should I let my 20-year-old daughter stay at her boyfriend’s? This is a difficult decision that many parents have to face around the world.
The answer to that depends on a few factors that we will go over below. Many people that age are mature enough to make the right decision so having your daughter spend time with her significant other isn’t such a bad idea.
The Reality is, you don’t have a choice whether or not to let your 20-year-old daughter stay at her boyfriend’s. If she really wants to, she will. The best thing we can do as parents is to educate her on how to be smart with her safety and her body.
Checklist
1. Have you met the Boyfriend
The first key point to check off would be if you have met the boyfriend. This is important because you want your daughter to be safe at all times and if she is going to be staying at someone’s house, it should be someone that is known and trusted.
If your daughter wants to spend time at her boyfriend’s house and you have not met him, this is a bad sign and you should be concerned. A way you can get over that and have a chance to meet him would be by telling your daughter to invite him over for lunch. This is a great way to talk to him and know what he is all about.
2. Is your Daughter Mature
Another factor that is important is knowing your daughter is mature. Even if you have met the boyfriend and he seems like a good person, your daughter still has to be mature and responsible enough to stay over at her boyfriend’s because what she does over there is not going to be known to you.
You want to make sure that she knows what’s right from wrong and that she can stand up for herself if she is pressured to do something she does not want to do. If you don’t view your daughter as mature or responsible enough to be on her own, it is best not to let her go until she can prove that she is.
If the mother of the boyfriend is there, that can be an exception because she is someone that you can trust to be there.
3. Positive Influence
This one can be hard to tell since you don’t know the boyfriend fully but if you can tell that he is a positive influence over your daughter, you can give her the green light to stay at her boyfriend’s.
We become influenced by the people we spend time with so you can bet that your daughter’s boyfriend will have an influence over her. If you feel like he will have a positive impact on your daughter, it can be a good sign to let her stay over.
Why you Should let your Daughter stay at her Boyfriends
If all the components check off above, then you should let your 20-year-old daughter stay at her boyfriend’s.
A lot of people assume that spending a lot of time with someone is a bad thing but there can have many benefits for the daughter to spend time with her boyfriend especially if he is a good role model for her.
Other reasons include:
1. Building a Bond
The first reason why you should let her stay at her boyfriend would be because it builds a great bond between them.
Spending time together with a certain person will create a bond and connection which is what you want for your daughter. Since your daughter is 20 and is most likely looking to be in a serious relationship, her current boyfriend can be the one, so letting her be with him to spend time together can be beneficial for the both of them.
It will give your daughter a chance to create memories with him at a young age that will hopefully last with them forever.
2. Safe Environment
The second reason why it should be fine to have your daughter stay at her boyfriend’s house is that it will be a safe environment rather than them being outside. Many times, couples can go to places that aren’t the best and that is the last thing we want as parents.
If you have met the boyfriend and trust him, it should not be worrisome for you to have her spend time at his house.
If she has been with him for a good amount of time (1 year +), your daughter will have a sense if it would be a safe environment to go to or not.
3. It is Better to Give Her the Okay
If she has asked you about this, you can bet that she has taught of the idea and can potentially still go even if you say no. A 20-year-old these days can become very sneaky in their moves and do more things behind their parent’s back than the parents know of.
This is why it would be better for you to know where she is at rather than her going behind ur back. Unless you have a tracker on her phone, it is impossible for you to know where she is going to be when she leaves the house.
You will have peace of mind knowing that she is at her boyfriend’s house and not somewhere else that can be bad for her.
Important Note
An important thing to remember is that we are talking about staying over during the day. If your daughter wants to spend the night at her boyfriend, that’s a different discussion that has to be brought up.
Staying over someone’s house is one thing and sleeping over is another.
It is up to you to make that decision because it is a big one. The place we sleep to take rest should be a safe one and if you don’t fully trust that she will be safe there, she should not be allowed to.
A way you can make this more possible would be to meet the parents of the boyfriend and also get to know them. Since they are going to be at the house at night, they will be responsible for both of them so meeting them beforehand is important.
It is just like the process of spending the night at a friend’s house. If both parents have met and are fine with each other, spending the night shouldn’t be an issue.
Another important issue that needs to be discussed with your daughter is sex education. As much as you don’t want to bring it up, it is important that she understands because no one has control over what the daughter and her boyfriend do behind closed doors.
Sex is not something to be taken highly and she needs to know that she is responsible for the actions she takes. If you are against sex completely, this is something that needs to be talked about and stressed. The last thing you want is an unexpected surprise.
Final Thoughts
If you are wondering if you should let your 20-year-old daughter stay at her boyfriend, you need to go through a checklist of things to go over so it can work out. Things like meeting the boyfriend and trusting her maturity are part of the factors that need to take place.
It is a very hard decision to make especially if this is your first time experiencing this. Your daughter means everything to you and the last thing you want is for her to be in a bad situation.
With that being said, your 20-year-old daughter should be allowed to stay at her boyfriend’s house if everything above checks out.
If you are in a situation where your daughter is choosing her boyfriend over the family, click here.