So your boyfriend ignores you when his daughter is around. This can be very disheartening from someone you expect to put your first. But there is a harsh reality to this situation.
No matter how unfair it may seem, your boyfriend is doing the right thing by putting his daughter first. Although he should not ignore you, his daughter should be his priority. The reality is, his daughter is the most important woman in his life.
This is difficult for many people to understand, especially those that are in newer relationships and are still finding their footing. The most important thing moving forward is to diagnose and remedy the issue before it festers into full-blown resentment.
These types of situations tend to get out of control if not taken care of immediately. Here are a few things you can do if you feel like your boyfriend ignores you when his daughter is around.
1. Diagnosing Why Your Boyfriend is Ignoring You
This first step to fixing this issue is finding out why he ignores you. There are an unlimited amount of possibilities but here are the most common.
He is Trying to Protect Her
If your boyfriend is ignoring your calls or texts when he is with his daughter, there is a good chance that he is not ready to introduce you to her. Especially if he has a young daughter, he needs to be more cautious about who he allows to enter into her life.
If this is the reason, you need to respect his wishes and not force yourself into meeting his daughter. The most healthy way to move forward in the relationship is to take it slowly. He will introduce you to his daughter when he feels you and him are ready.
He Does Not See His Daughter Often
When it comes to fathers that only see their daughters for a short period of time or have joint custody with the mother, they will focus all their attention on their daughter when they get to see her. It can be devastating only seeing your daughter for a small amount of time each week or month so the time he can spend with her is precious.
If this is the case, give your boyfriend the space to enjoy this time with his daughter. If you get in the way of this time, good chance he will resent you for it.
He is Pulling Away
Although this is the least likely reason, some men use their daughter as an excuse to pull away from a relationship. You’ll know this is the situation if he is using everything as an excuse to ignore you.
Chances are your boyfriend is more likely to use work or other commitments rather than their own daughter. Just be sure to keep an eye out for classic withdrawing behavior.
You’re Being Insecure
In some cases, your boyfriend may not be ignoring you at all. Your lack of self esteem may make it feel like he is ignoring you but in reality you may just have a needy personality. If that’s the case, you may want to seek some professional help.
We are partnered with Online-Therepy.com. They are an online therapy platform in which you can call, text, or video chat with a therapist every week. They specialize in making sure you are in the best mental health possible.
2. Why Are You Feeling This Way
The next step is to really take a deep dive into why you feel like your boyfriend neglects you when he is with his daughter. There are many possible reasons but this is not an easy detail to diagnose.
Insecurity Issues
There is a very real possibility that your concerns are due to deeper insecurities. You don’t like the idea that your boyfriend is putting someone else’s needs above yours. You need to recognize that this is his family. His daughter will always be the most important person in his life.
To put things into perspective, me and my wife have been married for 11 years with two daughters. My daughters are my world. When I finally have some free time to spend with family, I’d much rather spend it with my daughters than with my wife. Of course, I should not ignore my wife but the fact of the matter is, my little girls are number one.
He Really is Ignoring You
Now there is a possibility that your boyfriend really is ignoring you. Make sure to eliminate all other possibilities before considering this. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see whether he is really ignoring you or he simply prioritizes his daughter over his girlfriend.
- Has there been a drastic change in his behavior or has he always ignored you when with his daughters?
- Does he ignore you when he is with his friends or family?
- Does your boyfriend ignore you when you guys are together or does he ignore your text/calls?
The solution to all your concerns are the same, communication. There is a strategy known as the Devotion System that will keep him interested an attentive in the long run. If you haven’t heard of it, check it out.
3. Communication is Key
Chances are most if not all your problems and insecurities can be solved by opening a strong and healthy line of communication with your boyfriend. By simply expressing your concerns to him your problem can be solved or at the very least be addressed.
Next time you guys are alone, simply ask him in a nonconfrontational way, “I feel like you ignore me when your daughter is around”. Go into deeper details about your concerns and why you feel that way.
Explain to him what could be done to make you feel better about the situation.
Never give an ultimatum. Do not get defensive or aggressive because if push comes to shove, he will choose his daughter.
If you want to continue having a healthy relationship with your boyfriend having frequent conversations about what is bothering you is key.
Final Thoughts
If you don’t have children, you may not understand that they become your life. Girlfriends, boyfriends, or spouses do not stand a chance. Now, this does not mean you can’t have a healthy meaningful relationship with someone that has children, it just means that you shouldn’t be surprised if they put them first.
Dating someone with children is tricky but with some good communication and respect for the parent/child bong, your relationship can flourish.
For some more insights, check out this video by Talks Guys with Girls.