Many parents think that their daughter’s boyfriend is not good enough. This can be due to multiple reasons which will be covered below. But first, it is important to note that making that judgment from the beginning should not be happening.
Many times, these judgments can be thrown out without the full context and it can ruin a relationship automatically. There can be flaws that the boyfriend has but making the assumption that he is not “good enough” is a bold statement to make and it should be backed up by valid reasons.
Why Is Your Daughter’s Boyfriend Not Good Enough
To say that your daughter’s boyfriend is not good enough, you must have seen or experienced things that he did that brought that conclusion. This statement should never be said after the first meeting with him. As the famous quote states, “Never judge a book by its cover.”
If the boyfriend has been with the daughter for a while, you will begin to make assumptions if he is right or not. In this case, you have determined that he is not good enough.
The important question is why?
1. Identify The Issue
You will first need to identify why he is not good enough. Is it because he is not great at school? Does he live an unhealthy lifestyle? Is he lazy and not pursuing anything in life?
These are things that can be a factor that can turn parents off from their children’s significant other.
While some factors can be understandable, you need to still consider if there is a chance for change. People can end up with bad habits that keep them from excelling in certain parts of life and in this case, there is a certain habit or habits that you see as a parent that makes you believe that he is not good enough.
An important detail to remember is that some habits can be easy to change and some can be hard. This is a key detail to understand because this changes the outcome of what you can do about this situation.
2. Is There a Chance To Make It Work
If the habit that the boyfriend has can be easily changed, like doing bad in school, you can use this opportunity to help him rather than trying to end the relationship between him and your daughter.
Since he is with your daughter, you should consider him part of the family. Your daughter loves him and cares for him so by helping him, you can strengthen the relationship between him and your daughter.
Once he realizes that you are looking out for him and care about him, the love for your daughter will grow deeper and he will realize how special your family is.
Steps You Can Take
One thing to keep in mind is that if your daughter is 18 or older, she legally can make her own choices even if it’s against your wish. the only way you can make this happen is if she still lives under your roof. She will have to abide by the rules of the house and what is established even if she is against it.
If the daughter’s boyfriend does have habits that can in a way harm your daughter, then it can be understandable for you to try to end their relationship. bad habits include things like Dong drugs, being a bad influence, getting into trouble with the law, and many more things…
If you have considered all options for change and determined that it will be hard for him to change his habits and become a better person for your daughter, it is time to take action.
At the end of the day, your daughter’s wellbeing is the most important thing in this situation and even though it will be hard to see them separated especially if they love each other, you need to remember that this is better for the long run.
Explaining to your daughter what you think about the boyfriend should be something to prepare for because this might be unexpected and she might take it offensively that you’re trying to end their relationship.
Talk With Your Daughter
When you have determined that it is time to talk with your daughter, make sure you can have the conversation in a calm environment. Maybe go out for a walk in the park or have a nice lunch together. This way, the mood can be light and you can have a clear and concise conversation.
Before you talk with the daughter, an important detail you need to remember is preparing for the conversation. Making a statement about how the boyfriend is not good enough needs to be backed by solid evidence of why.
This is why the first thing we discussed is finding out the why in this whole situation.
You will need to say why he is not a good fit, and explain the reasons for each why. The cons of each habit talked about needs to be stated so she can see the full picture instead of thinking that you are just throwing out generalizations.
This will be hard for your daughter to take in since she is most likely very attached to him and can’t see herself without him. You need to understand that people in the younger generations are consumed by love and can’t see themselves without it.
This conversation will not turn out to be easy and don’t expect her to agree with you right away. You should also be prepared for some backlash because this will be very unexpected for her
During to conversation, discuss how you feel and what steps need to be done for her to understand and end the relationship. This does not mean cut him off completely, but not be with him anymore. explaining that the habits that don’t make him good enough for her is something that she needs to understand and comprehend.
Talk about ways she can end the relationship smoothly without any potential problems that can happen in the future. Many people on the other end of the breakup can take this news badly and will go to the extremes to try to keep it alive, even if the parents are not allowing it.
Things like secretly meeting up with them, or communicating with them behind parents’ back can potentially happen. This is why it is important to make sure you are clear with your decision and have brought up the facts to make your case.
The Transition
The transition might not be an easy process but it will have to be dealt with in a positive mindset. Your daughter has to face the fact that she might not be with her boyfriend anymore will be a reality check and she will need all the love and support from you during this transition.
Always checking up on her and making sure she is okay is a responsibility you will have to step up. Since she is losing a big part of her life, there will definitely be a void to fill ad you do not want her filling that void with bad things. Many people that get out of relationships start to feel depressed and they look for other things to fill that void such as drugs or alcohol.
This last thing you want as a parent is for her to fill that empty void with harmful things. The whole point of her leaving her boyfriend was to propel her in the right direction in life so for her to pick up a bad habit after leaving a bad influence is essentially moving backward from the initial problems.
This transition will also most likely result in her trying to spend more time with her friends so if that is the case, allowing her to do so can be beneficial. It will keep her mind off of her ex and will keep her mental state stable.
people who have ended their relationship recently can have a hard time being alone because their thoughts are all over the place so her being close with friends or staying busy is something you should recommend to her.
Final Thoughts
Determining that your daughter’s boyfriend is not good enough can be a hard realization for many parents. You want your daughter to be happy but you also know that what’s best for her might be to leave that person.
Like it is mentioned above, this should only be happening if the boyfriend has bad habits that will be harming the daughter. If there are small things that can be fixed with time and effort, you should try to make things work out in his benefit before counting him out immediately.
Explaining to her that this is the right move will be hard and will require you to be ready with facts that show why your daughter’s boyfriend is not good enough for her.
Make sure that the conversation is clear and done in a way where she can also state her opinions because you want her to express herself also. All in all, Your daughter well being is important and if her boyfriend isn’t fit to be part of her life, he should no longer be with her.
Also Read: What to do if your daughter is dating a narcissist