So your husband made a pass at your daughter. This can be a real concern if your daughter lives with you and your husband. First, we need to find out if your husband really did make a pass at your daughter, then we can discuss how to handle the situation.
“Making a pass” at someone has a wide variety of definitions. Was it flirting, was it touching, be sure to know exactly what making a pass entails.
the most important detail in this equation is the intentions of your husband. Did he do it on purpose or did he believe the encounter was innocent? This can be a difficult and delicate detail to decipher but the safety of your daughter is at stake.
The age of your daughter is also fairly important in this specific situation. If your daughter is younger, drastic action needs to be taken to get the truth. If your daughter is older, it may be much easier to get the details of the situation so that you can look at it objectively.
Your knowledge of your husband is also going to be crucial for your investigation. What is his normal behavior? Some people just have an older personality which may come off as weird to others. For example, this scene from the popular “Friends” TV show describes it perfectly.
Most would consider that weird behavior but to Ross’ aunt, what she is doing is completely normal. Could Ross consider what his aunt did a pass on him, perhaps? Does your husband typically behave in unusually close behavior? If so then this could just be a misinterpretation by your daughter. If not then it may be possible your husband has an interest in your daughter.
Here Are Some Actions To Take if Your Husband Made a Pass at your Daughter
Here is a step by step guide to finding out if he really was hitting on her.
Also, I am assuming this is her stepfather not her biological father. If it is her biological father you may want to explore other previous passes he made on your daughter. Hopefully, this has not been an ongoing event.
Investigate if he Really Made a Pass at Your Daughter
The first and most important step is to find out if he really made a pass as your daughter or it was a simple misunderstanding. You need to have a conversation with both your daughter and your husband (separately) about what exactly happened during the interaction.
Hopefully it will just be a misunderstanding between your daughter and your husband because if that’s not the case then more serious action needs to be taken.
If your daughter is younger than 18 or still lives with you and your husband and claims that your husband made a pass at her or you saw him make a pass at her please call the RAINN Hotline about taking further action. Explain to them in great detail what happened and they will advise you on the next steps.
If your daughter is over 18 and does not live at home, hear her side clearly, then hear your husband’s side clearly. Think about the situation and more particularly of your husband’s typical behavior. Ask, “Does my husband normally do things like this?”. If you’ve come to the conclusion that he has indeed made a pass at her, again reach out to RAINN’s anonymous hotline for more information on how to proceed.
If you feel uncomfortable doing the investigation yourself, you can call Social Services to conduct the investigation for you. It might damage your relationship with your husband, but is your best chance at finding out the truth.
Take Action
The primary issue with these kinds of situations is they are commonly escalating. It may start with him making a pass at her and end somewhere completely different. It is your responsibility to take action before the situation gets out of hand.
Until you get to the bottom of the situation do not leave your husband and your daughter alone. Even better, separate them completely until you find out what really happened.
Final Thoughts
It can be a frighten experience when your husband makes a pass at your daughter. Whether you saw the incident with your own eyes or your daughter is telling you, it needs to be taken seriously.
A deep and detailed investigation needs to be launched into the behavior of your husband to make sure he did not have malicious intent towards your daughter. Especially if your daughter lives with you and your husband, you need to approach the situation with the utmost caution.