It can be startling when you witness your daughter flirting with your husband. Chances are this is her stepfather and not her biological father. Before we jump to the conclusion that she is flirting with your husband, you first need to examine other alternatives. What might seem like flirting on the surface, may not be flirting at all.
I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, teens and young adults are quite different than we were at their age. Promiscuity is celebrated in today’s culture. Teens and young adults are encouraged to post seductive photos of themselves online for attention.
The truth is flirtation without action is harmless. Intentions are what really matter. Is she flirting with your husband because she is attracted to him? Maybe she just has a flirty personality. We will dive into diagnosing the cause of this flirtation.
Before you overreact, take it step by step. The first step is to identify if she is indeed flirting with your husband. After that you can take further action to fix the situation.
Is She Actually Flirting?
The first question to ask yourself is, is your daughter actually flirting with her stepdad? We may not be accustomed to the way young adults interact with one another. They are just more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality.
For example, if she were to complement his abs at the pool, that may not necessarily mean she is flirting with him. Back when we were her age, that would absolutely be flirting. She could just be genuinely complimenting his ability to keep himself in shape.
This can make things quite difficult when trying to identify whether she is actually flirting or not. The first detail to know is does she flirt with everyone?
Does She Flirt with Everyone
My son is like this (and my daughter to a certain degree). They just have what seems to be a flirty personality. They’ve built the habit of complimenting others when they see something unique about them. This often comes out as flirtatious. My son’s first day of tutoring, he told the tutor that he thought her eyes were beautiful. Her eyes were indeed beautiful but I wouldn’t have said that to her right off the cuff.
The first question to ask yourself is does your daughter flirt with everyone. If that’s the case, it may just be that your definition of flirting and her definition of flirting are different. Like me and my son. When he tells her tutor that her eyes are beautiful, I consider that flirting. He does not.
Before you start accusing your daughter of trying to take your man, be sure you fully understand her intentions. Jumping to conclusions and accusing her of something is the quickest way to damaging your relationship with your daughter.
Does Your Husband Consider it Flirting
Another great way to calibrate if she is actually flirting with your husband is to ask him. Get a second opinion on her behavior because yours may be tainted with emotion. Is your husband uncomfortable when your daughter “flirts” with him?
He may have no idea what you’re talking about. That would be a pretty clear indication that you are seeing things that aren’t really there.
On the other hand, if your husband does share your concern with your daughter’s flirting, it may be time to take action. Taking action is something you should do delicately and with the advice of a mental health professional.
What to do if Your Daughter is Flirting with Your Husband
If you have come to the conclusion that your daughter is actually flirting with him, it’s time to take action to correct her behavior. Forbidden love is quite errotic. That why stepmom/stepson/stepsister is one of the most popular genres in the adult film industry.
This is also the time to involve a mental health professional. If you’ve come to the conclusion that she is actually hitting on him, she’s clearly engaging in high-risk behavior that needs to be addressed.
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Speak to Her
Speak to your daughter alone, without your husband. Do not come out of the gate attacking her. Rather bring attention to your observations. Be sure to be armed with at least 2-3 examples of her flirting with your husband.
Chances are, her initial response is going to be defensive denial. Don’t dismiss what she is saying. Listen closely. Always be open to the possibility that this is just a misunderstanding between you, her, and your husband.
Your daughter’s age also plays a big role in how this conversation is going to go. The older your daughter is the more you need to treat her like an adult, even though she might not be acting like one.
Don’t listen to reply, listen to understand. As I mentioned before, the world is changing rapidly. What was considered flirting for us, might be casual talk for our children today.
Other than speaking to her, there isn’t much you can really do.
Best case scenario, this is just a misunderstanding that can be corrected with a simple conversation. Worst-case scenario, your daughter may have romantic feelings for your husband and that needs to be addressed by a mental health professional.
Do not come out accusing your daughter of things she may or may not have done. The chances that your daughter is actually interested in her step-dad are unlikely. Opening a line of communication will help you get to the bottom of the situation.