So you feel like your husband puts his child before you. This can hurt because it may feel like you are not the most important person in his life. As a stepmother, I sympathize and feel your pain.
I’ve had conversations with my husband about this and what he told me really resonated with me. What he said can be applied to you also and is something all stepmothers need to hear.
The reason your husband puts his child before you is because he should. His child is, and will always be his priority. You need to respect the fact that your husband’s child will be number one in his life because we are biologically wired to love, protect, and prioritize our children above all. Expecting anything else from him would be irresponsible and selfish.
The truth may hurt but your husband is doing the right thing here. He has a responsibility to take care of this child. This responsibility of caring for a child is likely the most important thing he has to do and you can’t expect him to prioritize you over his own child.
Although it is very common, stepmother insecurities are very rarely talked about. You may never admit it, but it is normal to feel a little jealous of your husband’s child. After all, you are both striving for his attention and energy.
In some cases, this kind of jealousy can fester into resentment. Over time, this can develop into a serious problem that will disturb the harmony at home. This is why an issue like this needs to be addressed and discussed immediately for the mental health of everyone in the household.
Although it might make sense that your husband should be putting his child before you, there is still a balance that needs to be achieved.
If the child is number one, the wife should be a close second. When dealing with men that understand the gravity of fatherhood, it can be easy for them to lose themselves in this responsibility and neglect their other responsibility of being a husband.
The good news is, you found yourself a good man. Men that take the responsibility of fatherhood seriously can be hard to find these days. The bad news is that many times, they can go overboard and not show as much emotion towards you compared to their son.
The problem is not that he puts his child first, the problem is that you may have feelings of resentment towards the way he treats his child compared to you.
How to Deal with Husband Putting Child Before You
The first step to dealing with the situation is trying to identify why you feel like your husband is putting his child first. Here are some common reasons many mothers may feel this way.
- He spends more time with the child than with you.
- The child’s needs supersede mine.
- All he talks about is his kid.
- The husband rarley makes ime to spend with his wife.
If you’re a stepmom, this can be even harder. Joining a new family can be exciting but when you face the reality that your significant other chooses his child before you, it can take a toll on your mental health.
If that is the case, you need to approach this situation with a different mindset.
The best way you can solve this issue is to do bonding activities with both the husband and child. This will bring the family closer together and the husband will appreciate your presence more.
Depending on how old your child is, there are many bonding activities out there that can be done at home or outside.
Whether it’s going to the movies, watching a sport, or going camping as a family, spending time together will build a connection between everyone involved. This will also give ideas to the husband about activities he would like to do with you later on.
If he is not taking the step to bond more with you, bring up places or activities that you would like to go to and tell him to come along with you. Show that you want to spend time with him and that you are always prioritizing him just a much as the child.
Him putting the child before you shows that he is prioritizing them over you so having balance when it comes to who should get more attention needs to be understood and the best way to accomplish that goal is by bonding.
Take The Step Out Of “Stepmom”
Taking the step out of stepmom means embracing your husband’s child as if it is your own. We are not trying to replace the child’s birth mother. Your job is to take care of the child as if they are your own because as time goes on, this will help build a maternal bond with them.
This can be difficult for many women but personally, this is the way I was able to look past the fact that my husband was putting his child before me. After enough time of caring for the child as your own, you’ll find that you also put the child before your husband. This is because children will always take precedent over relationships, it can be hard to see that if the child is not yours.
This will not be easy and it will take some time.
You will need to spend more time with the child by developing a relationship with them that is independent of your husband. A bond between you and the child will grow into a relationship of its own and before you know it, you will feel like a real mother to them and not a “step” one.
Communication is the key to solving all major issues in a relationship.
Have a sincere and honest conversation will go a long way. By simply approaching your husband and telling him, “I feel like you put your child before me”, it will bring attention to him and he will realize that there is inconsistency in the relationship. By using terms like “I feel”, you come off less accusing and more emotional.
The last thing you want to do is attack your husband for acting this way. This will inevitably lead to arguing and can cause unnecessary tension for no reason. Instead, speak to him with real emotion and vulnerability. He can’t get mad at you for telling him how you feel but he can get mad at you for attacking his relationship with his child.
His child will always be the priority but through communication, you and your husband can find a way to balance his attention between you and his child. He is a good man for taking his responsibility to his child seriously but he shouldn’t ignore his wife in the process.
It is a difficult balance he needs to create and the best way to do that is to have an honest and open conversation about your feelings.
A much as it hurts, your husband putting his child before you is not a bad thing. A father should always make sure that his child is given love and attention but at the same time, he should also do his best to make his significant other also feel valued. An important aspect in all relationships is balance so taking the time to understand that is key.
By embracing the child as your own and having an open line of communication with your husband, you can create an environment where you feel valued in your relationship with your husband and potentially build a lifelong bond with his child.
All in all, being a parent can be difficult especially if you are not feeling appreciated so it is okay to feel like more effort should be put in. Remember, open communication and logical thinking is the best way to come up with a solution if you are dealing with parenting issues.