Teenage couples fight, a lot. Mostly because they are still learning how to navigate the complicated workings of a relationship. Many of the things teenage couples fight about are quite similar to the things adult couples fight about.
What I’ve noticed is that relationships don’t change as much as we think as we get older including the things we fight about. I’ve had moments where I was getting into an argument with my fiancé only to realize I argued with my 9th-grade girlfriend about the same thing.
One of the difficult details about teenage couples fighting is that they are rarely fighting about what truly bothers them. Rather than having a discussion about what is actually bothering them, they argue over anything and everything. It can be tricky to decipher what teens are actually arguing about.
Here are 13 things that teenage couples fight about all the time:
One of the biggest reasons you will find teenage couples fighting is because of sex. Many of your first sexual experiences happen during your teenage years. It’s a new and complicated time in your life.
Most of the time when teens fight over sex is because one partner is ready and the other is not. This can cause a lot of strain on the teenagers causing them to argue all the time. Especially if one teen is pressuring the other, this can cause arguments to erupt.
In some cases, the teens do end up engaging in intercourse before one of them is ready. This leads to resentment which inevitably leads to fighting. The best way to approach this kind of argument is typically communication (which you’ll see is a common solution among this list).
At that age, sex is a very difficult subject to discuss, especially with the one you are involved with. If couples would just communicate together about what they are and are not ready for, most arguing will stop.
2. Getting Jealous
This is likely one of the most common reasons you find teenagers getting into arguments over. Most teenagers are still building up confidence in themselves and their partners. This leads to couples getting jealous easily.
As teens develop more self-confidence this tends to go away. But you’ll see the same insecurity in adults. In some cases, the insecurity could last a lifetime.
3. Spending too Much Time with Friends
Especially with teenage couples that are new to dating, this can be a common problem they run into. Balancing the time you spend with friends with the time you spend with your significant other is important.
Many teens when they first get in a relationship, spend too much time in either direction. Either too much time with friends or too much time with their significant other. Like I mentioned earlier this is a prime example of the kinds of arguments that adults also run into.
4. Not Communicating
Although this may not seem like the issue on the surface, this is typically the root of all arguing among teens (and adults). If couples would communicate that would single-handled significantly reduce the number of arguments they find themselves getting into.
A large majority of the issues on this list could be solved by communicating better. Literally just expressing how you feel to your partner is typically enough. Most of our arguments stem from not understand how the other person feels.
Cheating is one of the big reasons why all couples fight. Unfortunately, people cheat. Obviously, that leads to arguing. Many teens are flooded with emotions like anger and venerability when their trust is betrayed.
Chances are cheating is one of those betrayals that will cause arguments for the remainder of the relationship.
6. Cell Phones
This is a big one, especially for teens. This reason for arguing is also quite unique among teens because older generations did not grow up with these devices. Cell phones are a tricky device that teens are still trying to understand their place in a relationship.
A common reason for fighting over cell phones is the partner’s ability to look at the phone. Should a cell phone be considered a private belonging like a diary, or is restricting access to your partner mean you’re hiding something.
Many teen couples also get into issues when it comes to someone texting, following, or liking an old flame’s social media photos. There is a world of landmines that could cause problems when it comes to cell phones and relationships. Typically fighting over something your partner is doing on their cell phone is actually a deeper issue like jealousy or lack of trust.
7. Talking to Exes
It seems like every couple is arguing about this one these days. Especially with the availability of social media, this is a surprisingly common reason teenage couples fight. Whether it’s talking in person, texting, or even like a social post, “talking” to your ex could be defined in many different ways.
I once dated a woman that did not like the fact that my ex would like my Instagram photos and would want me to block her. Everyone has a different jealousy tolerance. This reason teens argue is closely related with #2, jealousy.
The best way to remedy this reason for arguing is to try to be considerate of the insecurities of our partner. Maybe your partner has been cheated on in the past or has seen parents or loved ones being cheated on. If you are just harmlessly talking to your ex it may be time to stop as it could ruin your current relationship.
This is a very crazy time in people’s life. So much changes when you are a teen. One of the biggest things that changes is the teen themselves. By the time you are 18, you are a very different person than when you were 15 or 16. Your voice change, your looks change, your friends change, and you change.
Many teens start dating then after a few months to a year, they found the person they started dating is not who they are dating now. This may cause them to lose attraction or just not like who the person is becoming.
It may not even be that your partner is changing, maybe you are changing and are looking for something different in a relationship. The point is when teenagers are changing and try to cling to the relationship this inevitably leads to arguing.
Do I even have to say it? Obviously lying and dishonesty is going to lead to fighting. Lying is one of those acts that you want to take a closer look at. Typically when people lie it is not because they enjoy lying but because there is a deeper reason.
Couples who lie to each other have no real chance of making it in the longer run. If you are lying to your partner, stop, you are just hurting the relationship. If you know your partner is lying to you, do not hesitate to call them out on it. It will be uncomfortable at the moment but it will save you time down the road.
As teens get ready for the next step in their academic career, you can be sure that arguing is close by.
I found me and my high school girlfriend arguing about this quite often. We were juniors and the end of the school year was coming. This is around the time we were applying for schools. I wanted to leave the state so I only applied to out of state schools.
She did not want to leave the state and only applied to instate schools. This lead to a lot of arguing. She wanted me to stay in-state but I was not invested enough into the relationship to change the whole trajectory of my academic career.
The point is, college is one of the largest lifestyle changes teens go through. It is common to see teens argue about college.
11. The Future
Like college, the future also sparks arguments among teens. there is so much you want to do when you are a teen. In some relationships, teens will realize that their futures are not aligned. This will cause them to argue sometimes about something completly un related to the future. They are just arguing because they have subconciously realized that the relationship does not have a future.
My fiancé and I still argue about my parents today. Every serious teenage relationship gets in at least one argument about their parents. This can vary from parents not letting them go on dates to parents setting a strict curfew.
It is even common for teens to have secret relationships which will, at some point, lead to arguing in the relationship. Although I certainly don’t condone hiding a relationship from your parents, if they are being unreasonable, I get it.
As a teen this is probably the one that had me arguing in my relationships. Having super religious parents is guaranteed to lead to teenage arguing.
Although this is mostly argued about as adults, it is still pretty common to find teenagers arguing about money. Money is a sensitive subject even among teens. My advice would be to take turns on dates. As far as gifts, set a dollar limit.
It can be a difficult conversation for teens to have but it’ll do them good in the long run.
Advice For Teens
Communicate. Talk to your partner. Use phrases like “I feel” or “this makes me feel”.
There are two parts of communicating, speaking and listening. Make sure to listen to what your partner is saying. Don’t listen just to respond, listen to understand. Relationships are work and being in a relationship is not easy.
With the right effort, you can build a beauitful long lasting relationship. After all, I started dating my fiance when I was 17.
Know When to Let Go
Not all relationships are meant to last. Sometimes you need to know when to pull the plug on a relationship. Here are a few things that should not be tolerated in any relationship.
- Abuse (verbal or physical)
- Drug Use
- Extreme sexual pressuring
- Excessive Lying
- Extremely Controlling Behavior
Find someone you can confide in. Whether it’s a friend, parent, or teacher. The reason is that sometimes we become so involved in our relationships we are unable to see it objectively. If you feel like you are unable to confide in anybody, please check out The Hotline. They are there for you to have a conversation with someone, especially if your partner is exhibiting one of the items listed above. You can reach their phone number at 1-800-799-safe or 1-800-799-7233
Advice for Parents
Recognize when your children are in trouble. DO NOT force them to talk with you about it because that will only push them further away from you. Gently remind them that you are available to talk with them if they need it.
Only get involved if you see signs of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Other than that, give your teen the freedom to navigate the complicated journey of being in a relationship.
Teens argue all the time. It’s normal. Some are detrimental to the relationship while others are not. Most if not all of these arguments can be resolved with communication. Just sitting down and having a discussion will typically stop most arguments.
From my experience, these are the 13 most common reasons teenagers argue. If there are any big ones I missed, feel free to comment it below. I’ll even add them to the article if they’re spot on.