So you dislike your teenage daughter. The good news is, you’re not alone. More people than you think dislike their teenagers. Why? Teenage girls can be very difficult to deal with.
Don’t feel guilty for not liking your teenage daughter. Rather focus your efforts and figuring out why so you can remedy the problem.
Don’t let your dislike for your teenage daughter fester into resentment. Diagnose the problem as early as possible. This is the time that you are building a relationship with them that will last into adulthood.
Why you Dislike your Teenage Daughter
Our teenage daughters give us a lot of reasons to dislike them. Here are a few of the most common reasons why you dislike your teenage daughter.
1. She’s Expensive
Especially if you are under financial strain, having a daughter that always seems to need money can easily lead to you disliking her. During this time in her life, she is transitioning into adulthood.
Your daughter probably wants to spend more time with friends or buy clothes to impress cute boys at school, this is all normal, this is all also very expnesive.
My advice would be to have a heart to heart with your daughter about the family’s financial situation. Come up with some kind of allowance system. This will make sure they are only getting a set amount each week.
For example, for my daughter, I give her $35/week every Sunday. She is not allowed to ask for more throughout the week, with no exceptions. If she has an event coming up, she better learn to save because if she can’t save up the money, she’s not going.
This allows you to first, budget for your daughter’s spending money. You know exactly how much she needs and when she needs it. The second, more important result is that this teaches your daughter how to budget.
We want to spoil our children but in reality, this is hurting them in the long run. They need to learn to save money for a rainy day or just save up for something they want later down the line.
2. She Reminds you of Your Ex
Many parents find themselves disliking their teenage daughter simply because she reminds them of an ex-spouse or partner. This can be the most difficult one to overlook or remedy.
If this is the case, my advice would be to simply spend more time with your daughter. The more time you spend with her, the sooner you will realize that she is her own person and nothing like your ex.
3. She’s too Cool for You
This is one we all run into as parents of teenagers. During this transition time in their life, they want to create a distance between them and their parents. Why? Because at that age, they think independence is cool.
From my experience, if this is the case, it won’t last long. Just let them have some space and before you know it they’ll be in college missing your perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
As children enter their teenage years, it’s time for us to start giving them space to develop into adults. No matter how much we want to keep our children safe and sheltered, we need to prepare them to face the world on their own.
Unless you suspect drugs or depression are in play, give them the space to be “too cool for us”.
4. Short Temper
Teens are flooded with emotions and hormones at this time in their lives. It can be a difficult time to be around them. One of the most common traits that teenagers share is a short temper.
Although this is quite normal, keep an eye out for an unusually short fuse as that can be a symptom of a much deeper problem. Things like drugs, alcohol, and depression are commonly diagnosed with temper outbursts.
Chances are your teenager’s short temper is just her being a teenager.
How to Like Your Teenager Daughter More
If you really do dislike your teenage daughter, it’s time to take action to change that. Over time your dislike will turn into resentment which can be dangerous.
Here are a few ways to get to like your teenager daughter more.
Get to know them
If you dislike anyone (especially your own daughter) chances are you don’t know them very well. Getting to know somebody is actually the simplest way to get to like them.
Many times when someone is acting in a certain obnoxious way it is because they have deeper underlying stress. By having a conversation with your daughter, you increase the chances that she will open up to you.
Once you understand why she is acting a certain way, good chance your feelings of disdain for her will disappear. Block out a certain time of the week to spend time with your daughter.
I spend every sunder after church with my daughter. We go out to breakfast and talk about her week. During these sessions, my daughter has opened up to me which has gotten me to appreciate and understand what she is going through more.
Stop Being Judgmental
We need to stop judging our children. Some of us are doing consciously while others are doing it unconsciously but in reality, we are judging our children every day.
We make comments all the time about their appearance or behavior that is actually a judgment towards them. For example, negatively commenting about her boyfriend or saying her laugh is too loud causes them to push us away.
Let me be clear, if you dislike your daughter 9 times out of 10 it is because of the way you treat her not the way she treats you.
Give Her Space
Most of the resentment between parents and children is because the parent is not giving the teen the room she needs to develop into an adult. It is critical to give teens room for privacy and growth.
Many parents have trouble with their children’s transition to adulthood. We need to stop treating our teens as children and start treating them like young adults.
The best way to do this is to start giving them more control over their own lives. Things like what they eat, wear, and the activities they engage in should be up to them. Even if you disagree with the decisions they make, the decision is theirs to make. Mistakes are the best teacher.
With that being said, there are limitations. Other than the drugs and alcohol limitations mentioned above, there are other things to look out for. For example, if you believe your daughter is engaging in sex, it would be your responsibility to have the “safe sex” conversation with your daughter.
While most parents would jump straight to the “Don’t you dare have sex ever” a parent that has a good relationship with their child would have more of a conversation approach rather than a reprimanding one.
Final Thoughts
Parenting is hard. Especially when dealing with teenage girls. The good news is, it is going to get easier. The bad news is that if you do not diagnose and fix your dislike for your daughter there is little chance of you having a relationship with her as an adult.
Just but taking a few steps you can not only learn to like your daughter but enjoy her company and build a line of communication with her. Take the time to build a relationship with her because believe me, she needs you now more than ever.