Many mothers out there sadly have to say “My Teenage Daughter Hates me but Loves her Dad” and it is unfortunate because as parents, we want our children to love us equally.
If you are in a situation where your teenager daughter hates you but loves her dad, it is not too late to change that.
Keep in mind that the teenage years for many kids growing up involves a lot of favoritism. Whether it’s food, a subject in school, or even parents, teenagers will always pick and choose between things.
So as you are reading this, have hope that the hate will turn into love by taking steps to repair and restore the relationship between you and your teenage daughter.
Steps to Repair the Relationship
1. Think Back
Before addressing the situation with anyone, you first have to think back and remember the interactions you had with your daughter as she was growing up. This is important because this is the reason why you have a strained relationship with your daughter.
As mentioned earlier, children growing up start developing love and hate towards things or people because of the interaction they had with them.
For example, if someone gives a candy bar to a child, the child will have a good impression of them and will like them. If another person comes by and takes the candy bar away from the child, the child will get sad and dislike the person who took the candy.
This is the same concept for the daughter but on a deeper level.
When you look back on the time period she was growing up, compare the interactions you had versus her fathers. See if you notice anything different between the way you and the dad treated her.
Was the father nicer? Did he take her out more to have fun? Were you the strict parent?
There must be something that the father did that you did not do to gain her love. She would not hate you and love her dad more if the treatment was the same.
If you do notice anything that you did that might have made her sad or upset, it is time to own up to the mistake and apologize for it. Even if you think that the action you did was justifiable, you need to remember that children growing up will remember these interactions with you as they grow older. If you treated them badly, they will grow to resent and hate you.
2. Have a Talk
The next step to do is to have a talk with your daughter. This might be a hard step because you know going in that she hates you but it is a necessary step that has to be taken if you want your issue to be resolved.
When you approach your daughter, make sure you are not confrontational about it and accusing her of hating you and loving her dad more. You need to come in with a concerned approach so she can understand that you are genuine. If she notices that you are concerned, she will most likely be up to listen more.
Another important detail to remember is when talking to her, try to talk less like a mother and more like a friend. The reason she loves her dad is because they have a friendly relationship. You need to approach your daughter more like a friend than a parent.
When talking to her, address the fact that you notice the resentment and you want to fix the situation. You need to ask her why does she feel this way towards you.
It is important to let her talk and say what she is feeling without jumping in or cutting her off. The reason for that is when you are all ears, you will be able to collect as much information as possible from her so you can dissect it and think upon it.
When she has mentioned anything that has made her mad and upset at you, it is important to apologize right away and be sincere about it so it can actually worth something to her.
3. Talk to the Dad
Another step you can take to solve this issue is to talk to the dad. Let him know that you are noticing this type of treatment and are concerned. Ask him to also evaluate how you treated your daughter and see if he notices anything that you did that might have caused the daughter to hate you.
He has to be honest because if he just brushes it off, the situation will not become any better. If he did notice somethings you did in the past to upset the daughter, let him speak his mind also because the information that he is saying is valuable to solve this issue.
The next thing you can do is to ask the father to talk to the daughter also. Since he has developed a good relationship with her, he can be the mediator between you two and can be the one that helps bring you and your daughter closer.
4. Bond More
The next step into rebuilding the relationship with your teenage daughter would be to bond more. You need to let her know that you would love to spend time with her so you both can rekindle the friendship you longed desired for.
While bonding, try to become more of a friendly figure towards her so you can develop that friendly love.
This can be an easy thing to do since there are many activities out there that can be great for a mother and daughter hangout. Depending on where you live, you can go spend time in nature or have a day at the beach.
You can also do things at home like watch a TV show or cook a meal together.
Another great idea you can do is see what her interests are and bond over that. If there are any interests that you notice that you can be interested in too, then offer to bond over that but make sure you don’t force yourself because, at the end of the day, you should also be enjoying the moment with her and not feel forced.
A great way you can set the mood for a fun and enjoyable time would be to bond with something that has to do with comedy. It can be a live comedy show or a funny movie. Whenever people are having a good time laughing, they really enjoy the company with them because they are in a good mood and are happy to see everyone else in a joyous mood.
If you are a mother that has a teenage daughter that hates you but loves her dad, there are steps to take so you can restore the relationship. This hate has stemmed from the past interactions with the daughter so if that is the case, making sure you are aware of your past mistakes is important.
It takes steps to restore the relationship and have your daughter love you so be prepared for a long process of restoration between you and your teenage daughter.
Since she loves her dad a lot, you can ask for his help to be a mediator between you two. He can bring you two closer with kindness and friendliness. To top it all off, bonding would be the last major step to have your daughter turn that hate into love.
If you are having more trouble when it comes to parenting, click here for a guide on how to take steps to becoming the best parent possible.