Divorce is a very hard process to go through. It has been determined that 40 to 50% of couples end up divorcing. This can seem like a shocking amount but sadly, this is the reality. Many times, children will have parents who are divorced and they don’t want to see their dad after it has happened.
This can stem from many different reasons which need to be determined so the situation can be solved. If you or someone you know is going through a situation where your parents are divorced and you don’t want to see your dad, it is time to dissect the issue and see how what steps should be taken moving forward.
Steps to Take
Was it a Bad Divorce?
Of course, the child might not fully understand the full details of the divorce because some points will be kept private between the parents but overall, the child will have a clue or an idea of why the parents are split.
A divorce can stem from many different reasons that can range from things like, financial issues, commitment issues, work-life balance, and many more. One of the reasons why the child does not wan to see the dad would be because he did something despicable that caused this divorce.
Things like cheating or physical abuse can be the reason why this divorce is happening and once the child understands the severity of the situation, they might not want to associate with him anymore. This can be a justified reason why the child does not want to see the dad and it is their right to not want to see the father if they understand the situation clearly.
At the same time, if you are in a situation where you heard one side of the story, you should also be able to hear the other side. The reason I am bringing this up is because many parents try to manipulate the story and accuse the other person of horrible things when it might not be true. If the children are young enough, they might be convinced and believe the story which causes them to have a false belief about the other parent and can cause them not want to see them even though the other parent did not do these actions.
So when you are faced with this dilemma, you need to understand the situation fully without making a decision and being influenced by the mother without knowing the facts. I’m not saying to discredit anything you hear from the mother or other parties, you just need to give the dad a chance to tell his side of the story so everyone can have fair treatment.
Does Being Around the Father Give you a Bad Feeling?
Another reason why the child may not want to be around the father would be because being around the father causes mental stress.
When parents go through things, they can tend to take out their anger and frustration on their children. In this instance, the father can be dealing with a lot of stress which is causing him to treat the people around him badly, especially his children.
This can be by yelling at the children or mentally and physically abusing them.
If that is the case, the children have a right not to be around him even if he is their biological father. No one should sacrifice their mental health to be in the same room as someone who drains it even if it is family.
Many times, children feel obligated to be around their other divorced parents even if they don’t like it. This is the wrong mindset to have because if you go through this mental draining, you will regret it later on and will feel like you wasted quality time that you could’ve spend with people that actually make you feel good.
Another reason a child might not want to see their father after a divorce is because he was the strict parent of the relationship. Any child growing up tends to have a strict parent and a chill one. It usually does not show until later down the line but most of the time, children will be able to determine these roles as they go on with life.
If the unfortunate circumstance of divorce comes along and the parents are separated, the children tend to want to stay with the parent that was less strict, and in this situation, the dad was stricter than the mom so this is why the children may not want to see him.
In this scenario, the father will most likely change his approach of parenting with the fact that he does not want to lose connection with his kids. He will do everything he can to spend time with them and if that means that he has to become less strict, then he will do that.
If your parents are divorced and you don’t want to see your dad because he is strict, you should talk to him about this and let him know that the reason you are not spending time with him is because of how strict he is. It might be hard to have this conversation with your dad but it has to be done to keep the relationship and not let it fade away.
There will be ways to reconcile and fix the situation if it is still possible and the divorce was not bad.
If the divorce was not ugly and the parents separated on good terms, this may mean that there is still a good chance to have a great relationship with the dad. It all starts with taking action and by deciding that you will try to see your father in a positive way rather than a negative one.
A way you can get help with this situation would be to talk to a professional therapist who has dealt with these situations. They know information that can help deal with the problem you are having when it comes to working things out when having divorced parents.
1. Talk With the Dad
The first step is to have a talk with the dad and let him know that you are willing to strengthen the relationship.
By you letting him know that, he will immediately see that there is still hope to maintain a good father and child relationship that can last even though the family is essentially separated. You can dive into how you two can maintain a strong friendship and how this change will not affect the bond. Doing this over lunch or by taking a walk in the park will enhance the talk and it will make the conversation flow comfortably.
2. Plan Activities to Bond
Another thing that is recommended for you to do is to plan activities for you two to bond over.
This can be things like eating out, going to the movies, playing a board game, or even become gym partners. This will bring out the joy in both of you and it will keep the relationship at a good balance. When you are with the father, try not to bring up the mother or the past and instead, focus on the future and how you can create a stronger bon with the dad without having the mom be included in it.
It might take a while for the relationship to be at its best but the steps along the way are whats going to make it memorable.
With so many marriages being unstable these days, divorce seems like it’s a common thing now and many children have to experience it.
When your parents are divorced and you don’t want to see your dad, you will need to identify why you feel that way and if there is a chance to resolve this problem. There can be multiple reasons why you don’t want to see him ranging from him being the strict parent, him doing something despicable to the mother which caused the diverse, or many more other issues.
This is especially common for daughters to hate their fathers after a divorce.
There will be steps to take to resolve this issue but you first need to accept the fact that your parents are separated and it will take effort from you and the father to work this out.