“My daughter’s boyfriend is ruining our relationship”! This is a very common phrase that many parents sadly have to say.
When you are in a situation where your daughter’s boyfriend is ruining the relationship between you and her, it is time to take action because this will lead to a bigger separation if it is not handled quickly. Before you accuse the boyfriend of trying to ruin the relationship, make sure you have compelling reasons that he is actually causing the strain in the relationship.
It might not even have to do with your daughter’s boyfriend and the last thing you want to do is blame someone for something they have not done.
So when you know for sure that the boyfriend is the one ruining the relationship, it is time to take action.
Identify the Issue
The first step to take when you are in this situation is to identify the issue. What I mean by that is first try to understand why the relationship is being ruined by the boyfriend.
Is he making her spend a lot of time with him? Is he trying to turn her away from the family?
You need to find the actions he is doing that are straining the relationship between you and your daughter.
You also need to also understand if he is doing this on purpose or not. Keep in mind that many people can do things to affect others and they might not even know it’s happening.
Age
Before we head into the factors that might be causing the relationship to be ruined, we should first talk about what age your daughter is because it is important.
If you have a daughter that is younger than 18, you can have a better handle on this situation since she is under the legal limit and is most likely still living under your roof. That means that you can enforce rules in the house that she has to follow.
This can mean that she has to either fix the situation and understand what your saying or she can’t see him anymore. Once she understands that she has no choice but to listen to your rules, she will have to take action and do what you say. It feels bad as a parent to restrict your children from doing things they want but when it comes to their well-being, that is going to always be the number one priority.
If she is still not listening, this is when you set consequences for her actions.
If your daughter is 18 or older, this is a different situation because she is legally allowed to do what she wants to do but you are also allowed to kick her out of the house legally. Many parents won’t see it to be necessary to take that route but if the problem is bad enough, then you can think of this decision.
Factors that Might Cause the Relationship to be Ruined
1. Takes up All Her Time
One of the ways your daughter’s boyfriend is running your relationship would be him taking up all her time.
This is a common issue that parents face when their children get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Their time with you get shortened and their time with their new partner takes over. This often leads to the children not giving attention to the parent and this will either sadden or frustrate the parent.
If that is the case, the best thing you could do is to have a talk with your daughter about this time commitment issue. It is important that you have this talk when she is fully attentive so you can explain the situation to her and your concern.
She might not even know that you feel that way and that conversation can lead to her making an effort to spend more time with you.
2. Morals
The next way her boyfriend can ruin the relationship would be by being a bad influence on the daughter.
When we are raised in a household at a young age, our morals and things we do will come from the family but as we grow older and start engaging with other people, we pick up things from them whether it is good or bad. The problem with that is people will go against their morals and do things that can upset their families.
Things like drugs, alcohol, or other bad habits are things that can be picked up from hanging around bad influences.
In this situation, the boyfriend can be influencing the daughter to do bad things and if a parent notices that their children’s morals are changing, this will cause a big issue.
The relationship between 2 people that have different morals isn’t always going to be the best and when they aren’t seeing eye to eye, it can create tension. That is the most likely situation that is happening with your daughter and the issue should be resolved ASAP.
The reason for the urgency is because when people start living a particular lifestyle, they can fall deep into it and it is hard to come out. This is why every parent’s fear is their children’s morals changing by being around bad influence.
If you are in a situation where your daughter’s boyfriend is influencing her to do wrong things, you need to have a serious conversation. You need to be straightforward with your daughter and let her know the things you are seeing and noticing.
This will also lead to the next factor below.
3. Pulling Her away From the Family
Another big factor that can be at play is that when a parent disapproves of their children’s boyfriend or girlfriend, they tend to upset the children and offend them. This causes the child to tell the significant other which leads them to talk bad about the family and viewing them as the enemy.
If you are disapproving of the boyfriend, your daughter might be experiencing resentment towards you and that might be the reason for the ruining of the relationship. The boyfriend can ignite the flame also by trying to turn the daughter against the family.
This is a tough spot to be in because love can blind someone from seeing the right thing and your daughter can be deeply in love with her boyfriend to the point where she will rather ruin the relationship with you than with him.
You as a parent need to explain to your daughter that she is going down the wrong path and can cause major issues down the line if she does not get her act together. If you don’t have compelling arguments, she will just brush you off so make sure you come in with the proper information.
If you feel like your daughter is choosing the boyfriend over the family, click here for a detailed guide on how to fix this problem.
Final Thoughts
If you are in a situation where you, unfortunately, have to say “My daughter’s boyfriend is ruining our relationship”, then it is time to take action and restore that relationship back. There can be many factors why that is happening but with every problem comes a solution.
Finding out the factor that is causing it is the first step which will then lead to the answer. Executing on the solution as soon as possible is important because relationships that fade away can sometimes be hard to rekindle.
Approach this situation in a calm manner so it does not escalate to a new level. With that being said, it is time to fix the situation and restore the relationship with your daughter.
For more information on how to fix a relationship with your children, click here.