When your partner and child don’t get along, it can be difficult to manage. You want them to develop a bond but sometimes people just don’t connect as much as we’d like them to.
If this is the case, there are things you can do to bring your child and your partner closer together. Depending on the age of your child you may want to try variations of these strategies but it is not a lost cause. Over time and with the right steps you can get your partner and your child to start getting along.
A large portion of the solution depends on identifying the problem. You need to first find out why your partner and child don’t get along, then you can start taking the necessary steps to help them build a relationship.
Why is it Important that your Partner and Child Get Along
Many people might be thinking why it matters at all that your partner and your child get along. The reality is that these are likely the two most important people in your life. Over the years there are going to be many situations in which you will expect them to spend time together and behave.
Especially if your child lives with you and you want your partner to live with you also. Having a partner and kid that don’t get along is a quick way to have a stressful and high-tension home life.
Identifying Why They Don’t Get Along
The first step to getting your partner and child to like each other is to find out why they don’t. The better you know them, the more likely you are going to be able to identify the reason they are not.
A great why to start is simply by asking. How you ask matters. Be simple, be honest. Feel free to use the following scrip when trying to get to the bottom of it.
“Hey, I noticed that you and X don’t always get along. Why do you think that is?”
This tells that them that the subject matter is on your mind and also causes them to take deeper thought into the relationship they have with your child and attempt to figure out why they don’t seem to be building a friendship.
In many cases you should be able to figure out why your partner and child don’t like each other. Especially since you spend so much time with the both of them, try to be more attentive when they are spending time together.
Is your child being annoying to your partner and he/she is does not want to put up with it? Does your partner seem resentful around your child? It is critical to know why they have not been bonding.
Potential Reasons why your Kid and Partner Don’t Get Along
Although every situation is different here are some of the most common reasons your child and partner may not like each other.
Partner Resents Child or Vice Versa
Probably the most common reason they are having trouble getting along is that one person resents the other. Once you know what to look for it can be pretty easy to know who resents who.
From the partner’s side, they may look at the child as a symbol of a previous relationship. Believe it or not your partner may not like your child simply because the child is not theirs and is a constant reminder of the relationship you had before them. If this is the case the road ahead is going to be long and difficult. You need to have a serious conversation with your partner about the future of your relationship.
If the child is feeling resentful (Which is most common in teens and young adults), it is most likely because they feel like their partner is replacing their other parent. This is also the most common result of divorce or separation. Be sure to be delicate in these kinds of situations. Make it clear to your child that no one is trying to replace their biological parent. Your child’s resentment is also likely to go away over time as your partner shows them love and care.
When there is resentment in their relationship it makes it nearly impossible for them to get along. Make everyone feel comfortable with one another will take time but as they say, time heals all wounds.
Your Child is Annoying
As parents, we put up with a lot. Our kids could be screaming and yelling and we still won’t get annoyed with them because we love them. But for someone that may not love or kids as much as we do, it would not be surprising to find out that your partner thinks your child is annoying.
If that’s the case it can be difficult to get along with someone that you find annoying. The good news is, over time this issue is likely to go away on its own. As your partner starts developing their own relationship with the child, they will be better suited to put up with their behavior.
On the flip side, there is a very good chance you need to work on your child’s behavior. If every adult that spends time with your child finds them annoying I got bad news, your child may be the problem.
The trick is to not let your child do anything that makes you like them less. If your kids are doing something that annoys you or is not up to par with social standards, make sure you point it out to them and discipline them in needed.
By working on your child’s behavior and simultaneously allowing your partner to build a stronger bind with your child, it is only a matter of time before they start getting along.
How to Fix your Partner and Child Not Getting Along?
Once you’ve identified why your partner and child are not bonding as they should, you can get to work on fixing the issue.
Ever heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds“? Well, that tends to be the case when your kid is not boding with your partner. There is a good chance your child has not had the opportunity yet to start forming a bond with them.
Building a lasting relationship with someone takes time.
BUT, don’t just sit back and hope that things get better. Combine time with actively trying to fix the issue. For example, if your child is indeed being unreasonably annoying, have a conversation with both your child and your partner. Say things like, “I know he can be annoying at times but I really appreciate your patience with him”.
Communication is key.
On the other hand, if either your partner or child is being resentful, your goal is to make them feel more comfortable and secure with the other person. If your kid is feeling resentful be sure to let them know that your partner is not there to replace anybody. If the partner is being resentful let them know that your old partner is in the past and you look forward to spending the future with them.
I’m going to modify the previous saying, “Time and communication heals all wounds“.
Conclusion
It can be difficult to be in a situation where your child and partner do not get along. Especially if you all live together or want to live together, you need to work on the harmony between them.
Use the steps above to first identify the issue then take proactive steps to fix them but chances are, over time, your partner and child will build a relationship.