Whether you’ve thought about it or not, when a man says he wants to have a baby with you, it can catch you off guard.
When it comes to bringing a life into the world, you should be doing some serious thinking about it beforehand. It’s not a spur-of-the-moment decision to be taken lightly. Having a baby is a life-changing decision that takes a level of commitment unlike anything you’ve likely set your sights on before.
Here are some factors you should definitely consider before taking that next step.
Do you want to be a mother at this point in your life?
If you have a handful of responsibilities right now, be ready to put them aside for a while because you will be bearing the biggest responsibility out there which is motherhood.
It is true that women CAN do it all. Having a family and a career at the same time is possible.
However, it can get super stressful at times. You might even find yourself wanting to choose between one or the other when things get tough.
At the end of the day, the decision is made entirely by you. If you are ready to be a mother, consider the next few steps to make a decision when he says he says he wants to have a baby with you.
Do you want to have a baby with him?
You have never felt closer to someone before, and you can picture him being the father of your future children. What kind of father, and long-term partner, will he be?
Becoming parents together is a partnership that bonds two people in ways you don’t even see coming. Raising a child brings challenges to a relationship that can either break you or set your link in stone. For the most part, it can end up being a bit of both.
Does he know other children, nieces, and nephews? How is he with them? Is he playful with them or is he overly annoyed with their antics? This could be a good indicator of how he would be with your child.
Does he take responsibility for himself and his actions? What he finds to be important are the things he will teach your child to see as important.
Are you both emotionally and mentally mature enough to handle it?
Emotion stability is one of the most important factors in parenthood. Without it, you will never accomplish being the best parent you can be. When he says he wants to have a baby with you, one of the first steps is to talk about mental maturity.
Some people, when faced with an argument with their significant other, tend to lose their temper, become irrational, or decide to flee to avoid any conflict at all.
This kind of behavior doesn’t bode well for a new parent and can lead to excess stress for both of you. The same is true for you. You both need to have a way of conquering stressors when they arise.
Emotional turmoil now just becomes compounded when you have a crying newborn, zero hours of sleep, and post-natal hormones to worry about.
By adopting a stress-relieving practice, like daily exercise, meditation, or reading, you can learn how to cope with stress long before a baby comes into your life.
Your health and wellness
Whether it has been an issue before or not, any small problems that you might have with your health now may exacerbate during pregnancy.
For a woman of normal weight, at a healthy BMI, you should gain between 25 and 35 pounds during the full term of your pregnancy, assuming you do not have twins or triplets.
For a woman who falls into the overweight or obese categories, it is suggested that you don’t gain as much weight during pregnancy. Being in these categories can also put you at risk for gestational diabetes as well as a few other possible complications.
To find out what weight category you fit in, you can speak with your doctor or check out an online BMI calculator.
There are other health factors that can put you at risk during pregnancy, which we will discuss later on, and should be a big component of your decision to have a baby now.
Your financial situation
Having a baby is nowhere close to cheap. Besides all the hospital bills and increased trips to the OB/GYN, there are many things you will need to make sure the baby is taken care of.
- Baby bath
- Baby clothes
- Car seat
- Baby blankets
- Burping blankets (for spit up)
- Powders, creams, lotions
Most new parents aren’t even aware of how much “stuff” comes along with having a baby. The list gets much longer if you decide to go back to work. Daycare (and possibly breast pumps) have to get involved when you go back to work.
What does childcare cost in 2021?
Around 85% of parents spend more than 10% of their income on childcare this year, which has increased 13% from last year.
The younger the child, the more expensive it is and the more difficult it is to find childcare options. Hiring a nanny or babysitter can save a little money, but aren’t always as reliable.
More than half of US families with small children have reported spending more than $10,000 in the past year on child care.
Taking The Next Steps
When he says he wants to have a baby with you and you decide that you are ready, there are steps you need to take to prepare yourself for the wonders of pregnancy. These steps will help you avoid any surprises along the way and be better prepared for motherhood.
1. Let your doctor know about your plans
Health concerns for a woman who plans on getting pregnant are a bit different from what your doctor would typically be looking for during your annual checkups.
Your personal care provider will recommend you to an OB/GYN (obstetrician and gynecologist) who specializes in the health and wellbeing of pregnant women.
It is important to see your doctor at least a few months before planning on becoming pregnant. This gives you time to get blood tests done as well as testing for any diseases that might affect your pregnancy.
This will also give you time to stop taking any hormonal contraceptives (birth control pills, IUD, the patch) because it often takes a while for those hormones to stop circulating through your system and your reproductive system to return to normal.
2. Build Pregnancy-friendly habits
If you have bad habits like smoking or drinking, now is the time to stop. Use healthy habits to replace your unhealthy ones, for the health of yourself and the health of your baby.
Not only can tobacco reduce your chances of conceiving, but it also can cause serious complications. These can include low birth weight, early delivery, and even tissue damage to the unborn child. Smoking also leads to major heart and lung problems so keep that in mind.
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy can have a lot of the same effects on the baby like premature birth and low birth weight.
It also raises the risks of miscarriage, inhibited brain development, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrom (FAS). FAS can come with learning disabilities, facial deformities, and speech impairments.
Along with discarding your unhealthy habits, developing healthy habits is important to begin doing before conception. It will prepare your body to carry a fetus and will improve your chances of conceiving.
3. Eat Healthily
Cutting out excess sugars and fried foods, while adding a variety of fruits and vegetables, can start to prepare your body for pregnancy.
Healthy fats, like nuts, avocados, and olive oil, can reduce inflammation in the body. Avoid all trans fats and get used to reading the nutrition tables on the backs of packages. It is something that will come in handy during pregnancy and afterward.
4. Get daily exercise
During pregnancy, a woman’s body, on average, can contain about 45% more blood by volume than pre-pregnancy.
It is important to keep that blood flowing adequately to avoid circulatory problems, like venous insufficiency, so beginning an exercise regimen before you become pregnant will benefit you and the baby.
Making The Decision
If you are wondering what to do when he says he wants to have a baby with you, the first step to take is to evaluate both your lives.
Telling you that he wants to have a baby with you may be a man’s way of expressing that he loves you and is ready for a serious commitment.
Whether you agree with him or don’t think this is the right time for you, the true commitment is supporting your decision either way.
No one is ever 100% ready for everything that deciding to have a baby might bring into your life, but you can take strategic steps to make sure you are as ready as you can possibly be.