There comes a time, in many people’s lives, when they begin striving for a new normal. They desperately want a change of any kind, which can create feelings and desires that result in the need for children. There are several reasons this happens, and we will explore a few of them in this article, but first, let me start by saying that whatever decision you make is entirely up to you. I’m not here to tell you that you are right or wrong. However, you want to closely examine the reasons why you want a baby so badly in your 20’s.
1. The Desire to Love and be Loved
One of the most significant factors that lend to this persistent thought of children is the desire to love and be loved.
We associate the love we feel for our parents and the love they feel for us with our deep-seated need to attain the same on a new level. This isn’t contingent on the state of your relationship, either.
Even in the most stable and loving partnership, it’s normal to desire the connection you can make with a child of your own. It’s also understandable, if your relationship is not the best, that you might want to have a child to bring you and your partner closer together.
In contrast, for those of us that might have grown up in homes that lacked the cohesive support we needed, we believe that having a child is a way to right the perceived wrongs and prove we are capable of the type of love we missed out on in our youth.
In other words, many people try to prove their childhood didn’t result in psychological damage by parenting “right” or in a way that solidifies that their childhoods didn’t leave them broken.
This is when you need to be careful and deeply explore your thoughts of self-worth. A child cannot and should not be the starting point for you to heal.
That’s a burden unfair to an infant. If you have made some type of connection with that statement, you want to work through these feelings with a professional before bringing your own children into the world because you might run the risk of repeating a cycle without realizing it.
If you want a baby so badly in your 20’s, make sure it is in your child’s best interest.
2. Stability Leads to the Need For Change
Another factor that can affect our thinking is stability.
When we are at a point in our lives where everything is going well, we often get tired of the same routines day in and day out, and the next big evolutionary step that can change our lives is children.
It’s pretty much a biological response to attaining the lifestyle we have and thinking of ways to achieve how we perceive ourselves many years down the road. We know that if we want to spend our elder years with a house full of beautiful chaos come the holidays, we have to start somewhere.
As we scroll through social media and see our friends and family welcoming new additions into the world, we are inundated with picture-perfect moments and the overwhelming emotional devotion in every word.
In our 20s, it’s impossible to miss how complete the lives of our loved ones look once a child is in the picture. It speaks to us on a basic level, and the seed of an idea is planted day after day.
It makes sense, then, that as we age, we begin to settle down and think of ways to reach our goals. For some, this is purely centered on a career, but for others, this is when the thought of a family begins to have value. We become ready and willing to put the time and effort into raising tiny humans into beautiful adults that will bring us years of joy.
However, it’s essential to stop and consider how much a child will change your life.
Rarely does anyone get a first-hand look into how all-encompassing parenthood truly is before we take the plunge. Many of us are caught completely unaware by the intensity.
Yes, we hear anecdotes from friends and family, we see movies and television shows, and we think this fully prepares us.
Sadly, this doesn’t accurately represent the sleepless nights during the first year and the endless crying of a colicky baby. Even the most devoted parents and partners struggle during this transition.
3. The Challenge
Parenting is not easy. I dare say it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Wanting a baby so badly in your 20’s comes with many complications and stress.
For one, your heart is constantly walking around outside of your body and occasionally doing terrifying things, such as approaching stairs or messing with electrical sockets (and that’s just the second year).
For two, there is so much conflicting information about how we should parent our children to make sure they become self-reliant, level-headed individuals, and you never quite know if you’re doing it right until all is said and done years later.
As I mentioned before, if you want a child to bring you closer to your partner, stop and think for a moment about how your relationship feels when things aren’t going as planned. Do you sit down and talk it through? Are you comfortable approaching your partner about issues, both minor and major? If the answer is no to either one, having a child will not make things better.
Nothing about parenting is stress-free, and many decisions have to be made, day in and day out.
If you and your partner often disagree and your emotions toward each other spiral out of control, your child will grow up in that environment.
Even extremely happy couples occasionally struggle the first few years, regardless of what your social media feed is telling you.
If you take only one thing away from this article, please let it be the true challenge of parenthood. Before we have children, our days are filled with work, spending time with friends, and the freedom to run to the store late at night if we so desire.
We can stay up late on the weekends to watch a movie or go to a party and know that even if we don’t get enough sleep, the biggest challenge will be getting enough caffeine to make it through the workday without getting frustrated with coworkers.
Once we have kids, though, that changes completely.
You have an entire life that you’re responsible for, and you genuinely have to put unending effort into being there for every need. There are no breaks for most of us, unless we can afford a nanny, and sleeping in quickly becomes a thing of the past.
If you’re up until 2 am with a crying baby, you’ll be up again at 6 am struggling to get through the day.
If you’re ready for this unending sacrifice, great! If not, you might want to wait a few more years, at the very least. Becoming a parent requires you to be selfless which can be hard for many people.
4. The Joy of Parenting
With all of that said, let me be very clear. I became a mother at the age of 21, and I regret nothing. Wanting a baby so badly in my 20’s was exactly what I felt.
I was full of energy, easily able to keep up with my toddler, and emotionally available to her at all times. I even managed to be a full-time college student. For me, parenting was easier in my 20s than in my 30s. That might be the case for you as well, so long as this decision is well thought out.
Regardless of whatever age you eventually settle on, even the challenging moments are worth it in the end. While I can’t pretend it’s all sunshine and roses, I can say, without a doubt, that parenting has brought me more joy and laughter than anything else.
The amount of pride I feel when my children grasp a concept they’ve worked hard for, or when they learn to take deep breaths and calm themselves down… it’s indescribable. Even something as simple as tying a shoe becomes a full-blown celebration.
It’s Not Just Your Decision
Now that we have talked a little about the hardships and the rewards, you might feel like you’re ready to make a decision. However, there is one hard-fast rule you must consider.
Having a child is a two yes, one no situation. This means that both adults, such as you and your partner, or whomever you want the child with (conventions aside, this can be anyone), need to say yes. If even one of you isn’t on board, you have to respect that.
Unless you are using a method of self-insemination or expecting the other parent to sign their rights away, you will be co-parenting with the other individual for the rest of your life.
They will have the ability to make decisions for your child, as is their legal right. You must consider the ramifications of forcing parenthood upon a person who isn’t ready.
Not only can this damage your relationship, but it can also cause deep-seated issues within your child if they feel unwanted or as if they’ve upset the balance.
Understand that you’re creating an entire human being who will be very aware of what is going on around them as they grow. You cannot and will not be able to hide it if you take this decision into your own hands, and the other parent resents that, so please be sure that you are both ready.
Final Thoughts – Why Do I Want a Baby So Badly in my 20’s?
Wanting a baby so bad in your 20’s is something that is completely normal. It is around that time where we become adults and transition into a whole new world of responsibilities and exploration.
Seeing the joy in many parents as they hold their children in their arms is something that strikes all of us. Many of us want to experience that same joy which leads us to having some thoughts about wanting a baby of our own.
As much as it is a blessing and a joy to being a new life on this earth, you need to understand that being a parent is one of the biggest responsibilities you will have as an adult.
You should not have a baby unless you are mentally and financially stable. With that being said, making that choice is life-changing and it will open a whole new perspective of life to you.