A common phrase that is said in many blended families is “my boyfriend gets annoyed with my son.”
It can be a hard thing to hear when your significant other gets annoyed by your own son. You want to have a perfect family but things like this become reality and you are stuck trying to deal with it.
If your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son, you will need to figure out why and what you can do to fix this issue. it is not the end of the world and you can turn this situation around. You just need to be ready to put in some effort and to be patient t through this whole process.
Why Does Your Boyfriend Get Annoyed With Your Son?
The first thing you need to do is find out why your son might be annoying your boyfriend. It can be for many reasons so it is important to figure out what your son does that irritates your boyfriend.
If your boyfriend came up to you and told you that he is annoyed, you will have to find time to sit and talk with him about what bothers him. If he did not come up to you and tell you specifically but you do notice that he does get annoyed from your son, bring up the question and see what he has to say.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the age of your son matters because the things that he does to annoy the boyfriend can be easily fixed or it can be a challenge.
For example, a 7-year-old can be annoying by being too loud every day or by leaving his toys on the ground. A 16-year-old can be annoying by playing his music too loud or by having the volume of the TV very high while playing video games.
These types of annoyances require different types of steps to resolve.
Reasons This Might Be Happening
1. On Purpose
One thing to keep in mind is that this can be happening on purpose. Since the boyfriend is likely a new figure in his life, he might not like the fact that his biological father isn’t around anymore.
He might be missing his biological father and wish that he was still around so being annoying to the boyfriend might be something that is done to show retaliation for this new change.
Since your son has no say in what goes on in your life choices and the relationships you get into, this might be his way of trying to offset things within your relationship.
It is common that when people are annoyed by someone or something, they immediately want to leave so your son annoying your boyfriend can be a tactic he is using to drive him away.
This can be seen as rude or unnecessary but you need to understand that children also have emotions and express them in certain ways than others. Since your son has not fully matured yet, the way he is expressing that emotion can be through doing these immature tactics.
If you figured that he is doing this on purpose, the conversation you will have with him should be approached differently than if he was doing this unintentionally.
Your son can be annoying your boyfriend unintentionally. Like mentioned before, people might not know that the actions they do can bother someone and in this case, your son’s “annoying” actions might be something that he is not aware of.
If the boyfriend has not asked your son to stop these annoying actions, your son should not be talked to like he is in the wrong. He has no clue that what he is doing is annoying anyone so he does not think that he needs to stop.
In this case, the conversation with him should be different than if he was doing it on purpose.
Steps To Take
1. Ask The Boyfriend
Whether your boyfriend has came up to you and told you or not, a talk with him is essential to figure out if your son does annoy him and why. When speaking with him, make sure you are approaching in a way where you are trying to understand rather than accuse him of treating your son unfairly.
Many mothers in this situation might think that the boyfriend is just overreacting about what the child does but in many ways, children can cause some sort of annoyance and it can affect people.
This is why when approaching this situation, make sure you come from a place of understanding instead of accusation.
Ask your boyfriend what your son does to annoy him. Let him respond fully before jumping in and hear him out. To effectively communicate, you have to be a great listener or else, nothing will be accomplished in the discussion.
As he is speaking his mind, try to effectively hear his concerns and understand what he is saying. You do not want want to miss out on any key detail he tells you.
2. Talk To Your Son
After hearing and discussing with your boyfriend about how your son annoys him, it will be time to talk with your son.
Remember, you are trying to make the situation better not worse so when approaching your son to talk to him, don’t make it seem like the boyfriend has something against him. Explain to your son that certain actions he does bother the boyfriend.
Layout all the details on what he does and why it annoys the boyfriend.
If your son is young and does not understand the concept of being annoying, you will have to explain to them what annoyance means and how it can affect people. Explain that it is basically an irritation that is caused by someone or something to others.
1. If He Is Doing It On Purpose.
If you have come to the conclusion that your son is doing it on purpose, you will need to explain to him that his actions need to stop. What he is doing is harming the relationship between the boyfriend and the family and no one should be treated like this.
He should be old enough to understand that respect others should be considered.
Even though he might not like the boyfriend, he still needs to make a conscious effort not to stir up any problems that can lead to lasting issues. The son doing this on purpose can be putting a strain on the relationship between him and the boyfriend. You as a mother hate to see this happen because you want to be part of a loving family with no issues.
If your son is upset about the boyfriend joining the family, you can talk about ways to make the situation better. Bonding exercises can be a great way to strengthen the relationship between the boyfriend and the son.
2. If He Is Not Doing It On Purpose
If you know that your son is not doing this on purpose, just let him know that his specific actions are bothering your boyfriend and that he should either limit these actions or stop completely.
This should be a short and easy conversation since your son did not have any ill intentions and was just living his life normally without being aware that he is annoying the boyfriend.
If your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son, it might be time to figure out why and solve this issue. Lasting tension between a family can cause many problems in the long run and as a mother, you want peace and happiness.
When you first hear or notice that your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son, you have to figure out why, determine if it on purpose or not, and talk to both of them.
It is important to remember not to act out of emotion but to use logic. The last thing you want is to accuse someone of something they are not in the wrong for.
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