So you want to convince your son to get married, but he doesn’t see eye-to-eye?
One of the many things parents have to face is their children growing up and moving on with their life. It can be scary when their preferences and ideas aren’t the same as our own. One of those ideas is the topic of marriage.
We were taught at a young age that is it ideal to start a family and a way to do that is through marriage but as times have gone by, many people in the younger generation are starting to ditch that idea. Your son can be part of the group that does not find marriage attractive at all. This might sound frightening at first since you always envisioned him to go through the traditional route but with some proper guidance and insight, you can have a chance to convince your son to get married.
it s important to remember that you should approach this situation in a way where it is comfortable for both of you to talk about. You need to remember that as a parent, we want the best for our children so if you take the wrong approach, it might offset the chance of having a great open dialogue about him getting married.
Consider Your Motivations
Many marriages end in divorce in the United States, so starting a marriage on the right foot is essential. If both parties aren’t ready to be married or they aren’t a good match, it’s entirely possible that the marriage will end bitterly. As a parent, you want your child to have a happy and long marriage, so consider why you want them to get married in the first place.
Perhaps you have traditional values and your son has chosen to move in with his partner. You may feel pressured to push him towards marriage so that his values align with your own but you should not be too pushy about it. He might start distancing himself, or worse, alienate his future spouse. Take some time to think about how you want to approach your son.
Alternatively, you might be afraid that your son won’t ever take the plunge to get married because he’s showing no signs of settling down. This can make you concerned that he won’t have the future you planned for him when he was just a young child. Perhaps you are worried you won’t have grandchildren. Consider how you could bring these fears up to him so that you are ready to have a conversation.
Or it could be that you believe your son is ready to get married but that he just needs a little push. In that case, you may not be concerned about whether he’ll settle down, but you just want to help push him in the right direction. You can take some time to think about how you want to broach the subject.
Whatever the reason you want your son to get married, you must consider that those are your motivations and not his. Despite wanting him to tie the knot, you want what’s best for him in the end. So make sure that your motivations align with his motivations to get the best results.
Befriend His Partner
Perhaps your son has fallen in love and you are anxious to see them get married. It can seem like the relationship has been going on forever and you want to see them say their vows. You might think there is no better time for him to get married than now.
The best thing you can do to convince your son to get married to slow down and start befriending his partner.
To facilitate a good relationship with your son, make sure that the person your son has fallen in love with has also become an important person in your life. Almost all children want to please their parents and make them happy so if your son sees that you and his partner get along, he may be more likely to see a future with them.
Additionally, you will show your son that you are accepting of his relationship and it will help him to feel more comfortable bringing his partner around you. You may end up with the benefit of seeing your son more often or he might even bring them around for holidays.
You will also have the benefit of building a strong relationship early on with your future in-law and likewise, your son’s partner will see you as a loving family member. Your son will be more likely to include you in future updates and eventual wedding planning if he sees that you are working hard at maintaining a relationship with his future spouse.
Whatever your motivations for how to convince your son to get married, you may decide that you want to sit down and have a conversation with him about his future. If you choose to do this, be aware that the conversation could be difficult. Adult children don’t tend to like it when their parents meddle in their personal affairs and marriage is no exception.
When you broach the subject, be careful not to be too pushy. The way you phrase what you have to say can make all the difference. If you ask your son what his plans for his future are, he may be more receptive to explain what he’s been thinking.
If you tell him he must get married, he’s likely to reject the idea and may even reject you. The more you push him towards marriage when he’s not ready, the more distance it will create between the two of you. It’s a better bet to explain your concerns and listen to what he says in return.
The most important part of communication is listening. Rather than being the one to say everything, take the time to listen to what your son is really saying. Perhaps he’s not saying that he doesn’t want to get married ever, but that he just isn’t ready right now. Give him space to explain how he’s feeling because this will show him that he can discuss things with you without feeling judged.
Most importantly, once your son knows how you feel and you’ve given him space to explain to you how he’s feeling, acknowledge and accept his answer. If he agrees with you that it’s time to get married, congratulations! If he’s not ready and you continue to push the subject further, you risk alienating your son.
Dealing With Disappointment
It can be tempting to get angry when your children don’t listen to your advice or follow your plans. Resist the temptation to lash out if your son just doesn’t see eye-to-eye. Some parents have values or ideals that their children just don’t share. In that case, it’s better to accept your child for who they are, than it is to push them away.
Your son will be more likely to confide in you and respect your opinion if you can show him the same respect the other way. Just as you have your own values, your son has values of his own. While it can be difficult to accept that children eventually grow up and have their own ideas, you must show them respect in order to have a functional relationship.
It can be difficult to deal with disappointment, so be sure that you take care of your own feelings by writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or sharing your thoughts in counseling. This ensures that you have a healthy balance and that you don’t make your son responsible for your disappointment. Remember, your motivations for wanting him to get married are just that, yours.
You want to know how to convince your son to get married for one reason or another, but perhaps he doesn’t see eye to eye. Can you convince him that it’s the right choice for him? Maybe. If he’s already ready and just needs some parental advice, it’s possible that your words of wisdom will give him the little push he needs. Keep in mind that he might be keeping this process lowkey untill he knows the time is right so make sure that you understand that.
It is important to have some sort of privacy in our life so this is an aspect that he may have kept private to him self.
However, if your son isn’t ready to get married, the best thing you can do is listen to his thoughts, acknowledge what he’s saying, and respect his decisions. Your relationship with your son will be one filled with respect and mutual understanding if you can maintain a level of respect for his decisions. The time will always come for marriage but in the meantime, letting him figure out what he wants out of this life is important because at the end of the day, happiness is the end goal whether you are married or not.