“Now put your hands up, up in the club, we just broke up, I’m doing my own little thing,” you and your girls shout along with Beyonce. A night out is not complete without dancing around and singing Single Ladies. The music stops and you all return to your table to toast to the single life.
Fast forward to now…
The tunes of your dance-Capades have changed. Single Ladies just doesn’t hit you like it used to. Of course, there are still fun nights out with your girl gang, they’re just not as frequent. You still dance and you still pile into the booth in the corner to toast. Things have changed though. While your girls are toasting to their “single forever” lifestyles, you are checking your phone to see if he’s messaged you.
Whether you met online or in person, you found each other. You started chatting. That first “interested but not desperate” message exchange has evolved into romance. The relationship is going well. Even your parents approve of this one.
He fits in with your friends and family like he’s always been a part of the group. He works hard, and his future at work is promising. You’ve surprised everyone with your desire to settle down and are confident you’re making the right choice.
Then he says, “what do you think about us getting pregnant?”
Seriously? With everything going just right, why is this making your head spin? What does he even mean by this?
7 Reasons a Guy Says He Wants to Get You Pregnant
Here are 7 reasons a guys will say he wants to get your pregnant. It’s up to you to decide which is most likely in your specific situation.
1. He loves you
When a guy starts talking about having babies together, he is probably in love. He may not have said the three little words many girls dream of: “I love you.” But just because he hasn’t said it doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it. People, especially men, often struggle to effectively express their feelings.
People tend to repeat history. He may be mimicking the actions that he has seen and interpreted as love throughout his life. His parents, for example, may not have been big on verbalizing feelings. He may have observed their love for one another through actions, like having children together or buying a new home.
He may not even know that he’s in love with you. Our emotions affect our brain and our entire body. There can be a strong sense of affection that is hard to put into words. Love is not tangible. It is not a concrete ‘yes or no’ question. It is a feeling that can be hard to describe.
However, babies are very tangible. If he is feeling like you are his person and he doesn’t know how to recognize that, let alone say the words, it may come out in things that are more black and white. Having a baby is an action and a very big one at that. Expressing that he wants to have a baby with you is a tangible way of expressing that he is in love.
2. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you
Children are a lifelong commitment. When two people commit to getting pregnant, they are going to be in each other’s lives forever.
It is true that not all people that have children together end up together. When a girl gets pregnant it does not mean that a wedding is in the cards either. But a child is not something a person can easily walk away from.
Children need parents well into their own adulthood, it is a permanent responsibility. When a guy asks a girl to get pregnant, it implies he is planning to be there physically, financially, and emotionally. Asking you to have a baby together could be your guy’s way of telling you he sees you as a part of his future.
3. He may be trying to see how you feel
He may not be sure how you are feeling about him and the relationship. Saying “I love you” to someone and then hearing crickets is a terrifying scenario we’ve all had nightmares about. It is hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable when you have doubts about how the other person may respond.
Declaring a desire to get you pregnant is a great way to measure where he stands. Having a baby with someone requires commitment.
By seeing if you are interested in having his children, he may be looking for some reassurance about how you feel. Whether you are seeing baby rattles in your future or not, it may be a good time to get very straightforward about your feelings.
4. He believes a child will make him better
“My kids make me want to be a better person.”
“The thing that makes me the happiest is my son/daughter.”
“I really grew up once I had a baby.”
We’ve all heard grand declarations of a parent’s love. Kids bring out the best in people. When you bring a little human into the world, the way you see the world changes.
Your man may be searching for something that is going to make him happy, help him settle down, or be a better person. He may think having a baby will solve his problems. He may envision himself as a stronger, more valuable person once he becomes a parent.
While kids do make our lives better, timing is everything. Trying to improve your life may not be the best reason to get pregnant or it may be just what you need. Only you and he can know that.
5. He is insecure and attempting to control you
A guy asking you to get pregnant is not always a positive thing. He may be afraid that you are going to leave him or cheat on him. His insecurities may be causing him to search for ways he can ‘keep you.’
Whether or not he sees a future with you or wants you to be the mother of his children is not relevant here. He is trying to exercise control over you by tying you down.
A guy may think that if he gets you pregnant, other men will not want you. He may think that if you have a baby, you will not be able to leave him. This is manipulation.
He may not intend to stick around; he may just want to try to make it so no one else does either. It’s important to react to this toxic behavior quickly by getting to the bottom of his request and doing what is best for you.
How do you know?
If you are struggling to understand why your guy has asked you to get pregnant, it may be time for a serious conversation.
Understanding the reasons behind his request will help you make a more informed decision about whether you want to enter the lifelong partnership of parenting with this guy.